Please someone understand this!

[merrywidow]

I've been an occasional lurker here, because we all have a certain degree of morbid curiosity. I have been prone to that. But things have changed. I lost my husband of 17 years about a month ago. Guess was sorta peaceful., heart attack, but happened right in front of me, heard his last few gurgily breaths. I have now found myself drawn here, and I find myself really pushing the boundaries of what I can tolerate watching. It just feels to me like I'm challenging death, like give me what ya got, I can take it, like throat punching a serious enemy. I know that I will never win against death. I've brought this up to a few people very close in my life, and they all are bewildered and confused by it, or even recoil, asking me to explain it, but I just can't. I really can't understand it fully myself. I feel like they judge me, like "what the hell", and one even asked me that. I know there has to be someone out there that understands. If you do, then please respond. This is making me second guess my instincts, which I normally never do.

 

[DeadCold]

Sorry about your loss. Everyone here, is different. Some more than others 🙄 We all come here for all kinds of reason. Myself, I come here, 1) I cant stand censorship. The world is so busy 'protecting' people and what they see, everything is a 'shock'. Not going to get into details, but I was an EMT, and everything was great till I had to deal with an MVA with a child. That little girl didnt make it. I eventually quit. All the books and words was nothing compared to real life. Took some time (about 20 years) to actually get over that. Had I been a bit tougher with reality, would I of been able to handle it? Dont know. I still get fumed when kids get killed.

I figured, if I was closer to seeing death more, maybe I could handle that part of life. Is it working? LOL Dont think so. But I made friends here an dont give a poo what anyone else thinks. Im staying.

 

[Janine]

I am very sorry for your loss MW.

 

[merrywidow]

Thank you so much! I totally agree with you about the threat of censorship everywhere we turn. Time for US to decide what we take in, not
Big Brother! And it's getting bad! So sorry for your bad experience! Two I've talked to, my Dad and my best friend of 15 years, both worked all their lives in law enforcement, and said that they had already seen plenty to last them. I just can't comprehend this urge I have. It just makes me feel kinda twisted in a way.

 

[merrywidow]

I am very sorry for your loss MW.

Thank you so much! Hardest thing I've ever gone through.

 

[Mr. Mayhem]

My sincerest condolences.

 

[CPOCSM]

Condolences to you for your loss. I have had a curiosity with the macabre but having seen some terrible things in over 30 years service in navy and aftermath of some of the recent times conflicts, it desensitises you to a lot of the stuff human beings do to one another. I do baulk at some of the stuff here; however, I still have the curiosity with most of it. I sleep well enough at night and it really doesn’t bother me and death is just another journey into an unknown...no one has come back from it to say otherwise. Nothing conclusive anyway.

Again sorry for your loss and

 

[merrywidow]

My sincerest condolences.

Thank you!

 

[merrywidow]

Condolences to you for your loss. I have had a curiosity with the macabre but having seen some terrible things in over 30 years service in navy and aftermath of some of the recent times conflicts, it desensitises you to a lot of the stuff human beings do to one another. I do baulk at some of the stuff here; however, I still have the curiosity with most of it. I sleep well enough at night and it really doesn’t bother me and death is just another journey into an unknown...no one has come back from it to say otherwise. Nothing conclusive anyway.

Again sorry for your loss and

Thank you! I have always seemed to have a morbid curiosity. I think a big issue for me is that I am afraid of death, afraid of the unknown, so maybe I'm drawn to the mystery. Just don't know.

 

[HG]

Hello, why did you choose that username?...

 

[AmericanBoobeh]

Hello, why did you choose that username?...

She’s happy he’s dead ?

 

[Abyss]

First of all, im sorry for your loss.

We all find different ways to cope with something that turns the world as we knew it inside out. I think you want to find something that can be more shocking to you than what unfortunately happened to your life that offsets the trauma. I think that's why you find yourself more and more wanting to push your gore tolerance. Mental trauma is not something to be overlooked. And your reaction is completely normal. No one can tell you you're in the wrong, this is your defense mechanism. But i have to ask you, are you in or have you thought about going into therapy? Sorry for going all Dr. Phil here, i'm probably the last person on Earth to give insightful opinions.

 

[HG]

She’s happy he’s dead ?

Surely not, reading her posts?...

 

[snatch]

Surely not, reading her posts?...

Cause shakespeare

But, i aint buying this tripe

 

[snatch]

She’s happy he’s dead ?

Falls under code violation c872 section simkin

 

[AmericanBoobeh]

Did you take any pics of him after he died??

asking for a friend

 

[HG]

Cause shakespeare

But, i aint buying this tripe

Im with you on this...

 

[AmericanBoobeh]

OP should be looking on the bright side, NEW DICK!!

start hitting that treadmill sweetheart. It’s cougar time.

 

[snatch]

Were you making the beast with 2 backs whilst he faded dead away

 

[pappa stupid]

huh?