Have you ever wanted to marry a nine year old girl? Have you ever wanted to mangle an infant with a rake and feed it to magpies? Do you wish to explode and smear yourself like tapestry to a wall? Do you dislike your freedom of speech? Do pigs rival you economically and make you angry? Is it your life long wish to submit yourself to a monkey? If so then you can just go here. Yes we have this one actually covered, this time team Lolokaust puts all the focus on the smelly wee scamp responsible for spreading this outlook on life to the mankind. Grab your pens and notebooks, because this shit's interesting. We're doing god's work here, unlock your zippers and let us please your pintles with a passionate godjob.
Oh and special serious thanks to C_R for taking care of us like a mother and lending us her exquisite mspaints. It took us 4 years to figure it out, but now we finally understand it's her we needed to make our guides truly beautiful.
Allah Akbar! A Lolokaust Guide to Muhammad in MS Paint
Who would have thought a paedophile from the sixth century would be accredited with writing the blueprint for intolerance and religious hatred that would literally have millions of male followers screaming for the naked flesh of children. This is the fifteenth MS Paint Guide to the prophet Muhammad where we will be exposing and revealing his origins and history. What you are about to read is historically accurate and is a result of much research.
The prophet Muhammad was born a bastard in the village of Mecca in 570AD His mother had been fucking pigs and didn’t want him because of the shame he would bring to her so rather than eat him, she decided to give him to a coven of dribbling homosexuals who would satisfy all of his desires and enter him into the Fisting Olympics.
Very soon he found employment as a shepherd which suited him just fine because he was looking after goats which were his favourite animals to ram his pork sword up. He particularly liked the male goats because he could ‘milk’ them as he bummed them simultaneously.
The hills where he was herding his hairy lovers were full of magic mushrooms which he became addicted to and after months of getting chem’d out of his skull, he started to write down the things he saw when hallucinating. These first writings would become the book of sexual homoerotica and race hate we now know as the Queeran.
He became infatuated with his own writings but realised nobody would take them serious unless they had something to offer so he started to write about how much he hated women because this was what sandwogs loved to hear. He detailed how to beat women and justified having sex with underage children.
Upon completing his book he returned to town and began a campaign of bribery and blackmail. Using these tactics, he managed to get a blood relative to hand over his six year old daughter, Aisha who he took as his wife. Aisha's fate would be typical of a Muslim wife, she would be buggered and beaten regularly as this was the only way Muhammad could maintain his erection.
As Muhammad grew in power his followers started to grow because in following him, they could have sex with kids and beat women which was what they all wanted. Because they were becoming powerful, the local leaders started to drive them away and try to kill them. After a while, Muhammad and his fanatics eventually found sanctuary in Medina in return for sexual favours which really was a win win situation.
Time passed and they began a campaign where they kept going to war with other tribes with a 'convert or die' policy (sound familiar?). They never actually won a battle but because dropouts, foreigners without a home, criminals and strays were all joining his club, it wasn’t long before the whole area was worshipping him and his ape god Allah.
Domination of the entire Arabian region didn’t take long and everybody was just doing what the fuck they wanted because the old tribal systems guaranteeing the rights of women and law were pushed aside. His main targets were the remaining settlements of Jews and when he went into those towns, he spared nobody other than the children who ended up as sex slaves. The beheading took days and the streets ran with blood which the Muslim soldiers drank like Lemonade.
Over time he wrote amendments to the Quran and added to it as his whims dictated. Due to this, it contains many contradictions and inaccuracies. He also plagiarised other holy books and borrowed characters from them to add weight to the racist, hate filled slobber he wrote. Also contained in it were laws that would govern everything to do with Islamic life such as the wearing of the burka because Islamic women had beards and looked like the men and the last thing a guy wanted to find when dropping somebody’s pants was a sausage wallet.
At the old age of 62, Muhammad’s body couldn’t take anymore. Over the last 50 years he’d had regular sex with children, animals, men, dead bodies and women, (obviously unknowingly) therefore he was carrying every sexually transmitted disease known to mankind. The diseases had all joined together and mutated into the Aids virus and this killed him. His followers didn’t want to let him go so just for old time’s sake they raped his corpse just to add to the list of sexual perversions they had indulged, yes thanks to them, the human race now had Aids.
After his death, his boyfriends collected a big, steaming pile of literary shit called Sura's that were additional pornos to compliment his Karma Sutra Queeran to gay rape. Experts of literature have examined these rags to see if there is anything of worth in them but so far, the only use they have found for them is wiping shit off their pee pee after wedging it up a dudes crack. So many have burned a Queeran but its much less effort to just shit on it.
When a person strips away order, tradition and the rule of law they leave society with nothing other than what they fill that void with. Muhammad left his followers with what basically amounts to a racist comic called the Queeran that allowed men to kill, torture, oppress women and take child brides. Western culture has developed into a tolerant, civilized society but the Arabian Peninsula has sunk into the dark ages again where there is no law other than that of Allah (pig's law). Due to sexual promiscuity, they are multiplying at an alarming rate and have so little space that they are coming to the west. We will never give up our culture to this hate cult but will look to our leaders who will protect our right to express ourselves as freely as we like.
The Lolokaust had almost died because the site had not been updated for a year and we were running out of ideas as to what to try next. In October 2012 we noticed our site was under attack from Islamic schoolboys pretending to be Anon. This attack was designed to censor our work and take away our freedom of speech and expression. In response to this, we returned to the site and began work on this straight away. We would like to thank Rio Permana and his boyfriends for giving us the kick we needed to get back to work and continue what we love doing, pissing off religious fanatics. We dedicate this guide to you because trolling you and watching you desperately trying to wipe us out provided us with so much entertainment. The last time we had this much fun was when we gang raped our own mothers in a paddling pool full of our own faeces. Fuck you, you over pious, sanctimonious, fanatical terrorist, gook cunts. Fuck your pig prophet, fuck your false ape god and your comic book scriptures that have no relevance in a free, modern world where we can express ourselves how we wish. This is the internet, you don't own it, nobody does so get used to it and deal with it.
Text written by: