Funny/Weird Shit You've Experienced/Done At Work

[DokraOwl]

When I was 19 I worked as a salesman at a cell phone store back when there were still people who went to those things. One time this very religious lady came in and she really wanted to buy an iphone on a new line of service. I told her all the fees and payments associated with the contract and the deal was 99% complete.

The last part of the deal was just for her to sign her name on the service contract. As I handed her the pen she said, "it's like I'm signing my soul away." To which I replied, "that's because you are, I'm secretly the devil and this is actually a contract for your soul."

She freaked the hell out, no pun intended, and fled the store. Like, she legit fled like I a crazy person. I never made that joke again infront of a customer.

 

[Amalgamation]

Was working in a Taco Bell one night with the main boss, we'd both had a shit night and were just trying to finish strong on a busy Friday.

We had run out of some important shit such as beef and beans so it came to a point we were selling people burritos with half the necessary ingredients without even telling the customers because it would've created a fuss.

You want a 5-Layer Burrito? Well, they usually come with sour cream, nacho cheese, beans, beef, and a pinch of cheddar as well.

You want a 5-Layer Burrito on that same night? You ended up with a soggy ass burrito and an empty stomach.

 

[Gone crazy back soon]

I worked at Taco Bell as well in late '99 early '00. One night it was raining crazy hard as a result business was super slow. We had just finished smoking a joint in the walk in cooler when a young lady came to the drive through. She ordered a bean burrito with no cheese, onions, red sauce or beans. I rung her up and collected her $1.19. The line wrapped up a tortilla and sent it out to her as the tortilla is all that remains after the beans, cheese, onions and red sauce are removed. I gave her what she ordered and she sped off. A few minutes later she flew into the lobby and without dismounting her broom began tear into me for fucking up her order. Attempting to remain professional(ish) I explained this is what she ordered. She demanded to speak to the manager, so as the only white english speaking person in the store I tried to explain to her she really doesn't want to speak to Juan. She insisted so I went to the office and collected him. She proceeded to profess her issue to him, he without listening to a word she said looks in the bag, reads her receipt, then shoves it back into her chest and says "fuck you bitch, there's no problem" turns around and goes back to doing lines in the office. So I said to her "you heard him, beat it" she flew off on her broom out into the storm and we all had a deep gut hearty laugh about it.

 

[Dingoateyourbaby]

I worked at a bean plant and used to jerk off into the beans

 

[Gone crazy back soon]

I was working high rise construction doing fire sprinklers. The company hired this obnoxious kid to come work with us. We put him through all the routine hasing things like having him calibrate his tape measure, telling him he put the fitting on the wrong end of the pipe, telling him we needed a left 90 not a right. One day at lunch he was talking a bunch of shit like he thought he was some kind of badass. When we got back, I noticed he had a heavy layer of dust on the back window of his car. I drew a giant penis in the dust, one big enough to take up the whole window. He decided he was going to clean it off later and we went back to work for the rest of the day. The next morning he came up to me and says "thanks fucker". By then I had forgotten about the art installation on his car. He told me as he was trying to drive home people kept honking and waving at him and he couldn't figure out why as he had forgotten about my work too. He said he looked in the rearview mirror and saw the poorly drawn giant penis. He was in alcohol treatment as part of his probation for a dui. When he got to his class that night the councilor made him write a 500 word assignment about why displaying his penis in public is bad.

 

[pappa stupid]

I just work and quickly forget everything

 

[Rick James]

I’m a psychotherapist, and have heard great stories/situations. As far as a situation I’ve been in though… how’s this. I was working with a client diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I don’t have time to explain it, so I’ll just summarize it: I love/I hate you; goes back and forth of how they feel about others, believe they will be rejected.
So… our session was ending and i was wrapping it up (she could tell i was in the process of ending the session). She became silent. Brought her legs up to her body, and lowered her head, while wrapping her arms around her shins (fetal position). She wouldn’t say anything. I tried to ask questions, let her know our session was ending. She said nothing. Every once in a while she would look at her phone… but say nothing. She wouldn’t leave… i went out into the waiting area and told my next client, who was waiting, that i was in a semi-emergency session and would be ready for them in a bit. I honestly can’t remember how long she stayed on my couch. It ended after i said something like “you can stay as long as you need to. I told my next client and they are okay with it.” Sooooo after i said that it was okay for her to stay, she left… i wish i would have said that sooner.

 

[SPHINCTERPUNCH]

When I was 19 I worked as a salesman at a cell phone store back when there were still people who went to those things. One time this very religious lady came in and she really wanted to buy an iphone on a new line of service. I told her all the fees and payments associated with the contract and the deal was 99% complete.

The last part of the deal was just for her to sign her name on the service contract. As I handed her the pen she said, "it's like I'm signing my soul away." To which I replied, "that's because you are, I'm secretly the devil and this is actually a contract for your soul."

She freaked the hell out, no pun intended, and fled the store. Like, she legit fled like I a crazy person. I never made that joke again infront of a customer.

That's Fkn Hilarious!🤣😂🤣
I luv it;It would've been a Riot to 👁👁 the look on Her Fkn Facey!!!
Lol...SP

I’m a psychotherapist, and have heard great stories/situations. As far as a situation I’ve been in though… how’s this. I was working with a client diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I don’t have time to explain it, so I’ll just summarize it: I love/I hate you; goes back and forth of how the feel about others, believe the will be rejected.
So… our session was ending and i was wrapping it up (she could tell i was in the process of ending the session). She became silent. Brought her legs up to her body, and lowered her head, while wrapping her arms around her shins (fetal position). She wouldn’t say anything. I tried to ask questions, let her know our session was ending. She said nothing. Every once in a while she would look at her phone… but say nothing. She wouldn’t leave… i went out into the waiting area and told my next client, who was waiting, that i was in a semi-emergency session and would be ready for them in a bit. I honestly can’t remember how long she stayed on my couch. It ended after i said something like “you can stay as long as you need to. I told my next client and they are okay with it.” So after i said it was okay for her to stay, she left… i wish i would have said that sooner.

Fkn People eh? I would've said;Don't Shit on my Couch; A guy did that yesterday, And I just got it Cleaned! She would've popped up pretty quickly Me Thinks!!!
Lol,🤣...SP

I was working high rise construction doing fire sprinklers. The company hired this obnoxious kid to come work with us. We put him through all the routine hasing things like having him calibrate his tape measure, telling him he put the fitting on the wrong end of the pipe, telling him we needed a left 90 not a right. One day at lunch he was talking a bunch of shit like he thought he was some kind of badass. When we got back, I noticed he had a heavy layer of dust on the back window of his car. I drew a giant penis in the dust, one big enough to take up the whole window. He decided he was going to clean it off later and we went back to work for the rest of the day. The next morning he came up to me and says "thanks fucker". By then I had forgotten about the art installation on his car. He told me as he was trying to drive home people kept honking and waving at him and he couldn't figure out why as he had forgotten about my work too. He said he looked in the rearview mirror and saw the poorly drawn giant penis. He was in alcohol treatment as part of his probation for a dui. When he got to his class that night the councilor made him write a 500 word assignment about why displaying his penis in public is bad.

Ha ha ha ha ha!🤣😂🤣
That's too cool! What a Pecker Head!
Lol...SP

Was working in a Taco Bell one night with the main boss, we'd both had a shit night and were just trying to finish strong on a busy Friday.

We had run out of some important shit such as beef and beans so it came to a point we were selling people burritos with half the necessary ingredients without even telling the customers because it would've created a fuss.

You want a 5-Layer Burrito? Well, they usually come with sour cream, nacho cheese, beans, beef, and a pinch of cheddar as well.

You want a 5-Layer Burrito on that same night? You ended up with a soggy ass burrito and an empty stomach.

Fuck-em if they can't take a Joke!
Lol...SP

I worked at Taco Bell as well in late '99 early '00. One night it was raining crazy hard as a result business was super slow. We had just finished smoking a joint in the walk in cooler when a young lady came to the drive through. She ordered a bean burrito with no cheese, onions, red sauce or beans. I rung her up and collected her $1.19. The line wrapped up a tortilla and sent it out to her as the tortilla is all that remains after the beans, cheese, onions and red sauce are removed. I gave her what she ordered and she sped off. A few minutes later she flew into the lobby and without dismounting her broom began tear into me for fucking up her order. Attempting to remain professional(ish) I explained this is what she ordered. She demanded to speak to the manager, so as the only white english speaking person in the store I tried to explain to her she really doesn't want to speak to Juan. She insisted so I went to the office and collected him. She proceeded to profess her issue to him, he without listening to a word she said looks in the bag, reads her receipt, then shoves it back into her chest and says "fuck you bitch, there's no problem" turns around and goes back to doing lines in the office. So I said to her "you heard him, beat it" she flew off on her broom out into the storm and we all had a deep gut hearty laugh about it.

That's Great,I Fkn Luv It! BEAT IT!!!
LOL...SP

I worked at a bean plant and used to jerk off into the beans

Heh heh heh!🤣😂🤣...SP

 

[Mr. Ser Jr]

i actually worked hard once at my work

that was the weirdest shit i've ever done

 

[Interregnum]

once i was in a break room with a hot milf.
before she left the room she threw her chewing gum in the garbage can.
i took it and put it in my mouth.
this means, i kissed her indirectly

 

[Sabu]

I've fucked in the bathroom at a few bars I've worked at.

 

[McM]

There was a supply robot at FESTO near Stuttgart (they produce pneumatic valves) that had a car radio built in as a security feature instead of a beeping horn when moving. One had a good laugh at times when the thing came around the corner carrying your tools/spare parts and playing a song or advert fitting exactly to the situation.

 

[Pm Me Ur Clunge Plz]

I remember a few years ago when I was first starting my obsession with hot sauce. My arse was still not used to it so I'd often have the absolute mother of all ring sting.

I had a really shit call centre job. I was cold calling people trying to sell them business insurance. It was hell, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Well anyway, I sit down for my shift at 9am, pop my headset on and activate the dialer so the outbound calls start. No one ever answers the phone at that time, so a few dial for 30 secs then move onto the next one, but I can't stop fidgeting on my chair thanks to my sore arse.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Clunge*?" My mate next to me asked.

"It's that hot sauce I was telling you about, it has ruined my arse. It feels like I've been bummed by a large group of angry, horny black men"

Then I hear a voice over my headset.

"Well that's nice to know isn't it. Why are you calling me about your bottom at this time of day? Who are you?"

I fucking froze and saw my life flashing before my eyes. Someone had done that annoying thing where you answer witholded numbers without speaking first. I didn't know what to do or say so I just hung up on them and prayed to sweet baby Jebus that my calls wouldn't get listened to by management that day. The job was fucking shit, but I needed it.

The calls didn't get listened to so I got away with it, but it scared the shit out of me.

*not my real name

 

[Fentanyl Floyd]

Not really funny or weird but I was working at a dollar general once upon a time and my register got locked up (once the register locks only a key holder/manager can fix it) so I ring the manager on the store phone, I wait abit call again line is getting long now so I apologize to the customers waiting and leave to go look for him. He's not in the office okay must be in the back on my way towards the back I hear groans from the bathroom I knock to make sure he's okay. No answer now I'm getting frustrated, call the store manager (who isn't here today) and explain the situation asks if he has any medical issues I should be aware of she said "none that i know of" so I finally say fuck it and grab the bathroom key then go in to the bathroom what do I find? My manager splashing water on his face from the sink on top of the sink is a glasses case with needles in it we make eye contact (he's obviously high asf) so I just about walk out then and there I'm not dealing with that nonsense but I still call the manager and let her know what's going on, she's understandably upset and can tell I am too so I ask her what's gonna happen now she (said something about calling someone didn't hear who because some asshole was trying to ask me for a cig while I'm outside on the phone) I just said okay and hung up went back inside then I waited, then I finally see the ambulance with the two cop cars pull up lady cop asks me where he is we go to the bathroom he isn't there anymore great...so now me and the cop are looking around the store for him I check the back no sigh of him, so then I walk around the store and finally find him trying to "help" a old woman find a "yoga matt" not at all what she was looking for but okay whatever I found so now this situation can finally be over so I find lady cop and wave her down, EMTs and lady cop deal with it from here on out, store manager finally comes and fixes the register so I finish checking out the few people who were still waiting. Long story short I had to write some incident report for the company after that I went home early and still got paid for the three more hours I should have been there

 

[Humungus]

Not me but a mate who’s now long dead anyway back in the 80’s him and his mate were working at an engineering place and every break time they went to quiet part of the workshop and got under the bench that had a small window in the wall they pulled down a cover so they had a little den and shared a couple of joints. By the last break they were pretty much stoned as fuck and had a great time. This is the days when green bud was like rocking horse shit you only saw it once in a while and fuck it was expensive so we mostly had resin which I miss like fuck it had a lovely sweet smell like nothing else especially the paki black. One day on last break they were in their den like Cheech and Chong thinking they were well cool and no one knew fuck all when the den cover was pulled back and there is the foreman looking at them. He’s steaming and really offended two of the team brought drugs into work and actually smoked them they knew they were fucked but to make it worse the foreman shook his head at them and said if you can’t take that shit without laughing I wouldn’t bother that was the best he could come up with it cracked them both up and they pissed themselves which sealed it for them both were told not to come in to work anymore.

 

[Sabu]

Not me but a mate who’s now long dead anyway back in the 80’s him and his mate were working at an engineering place and every break time they went to quiet part of the workshop and got under the bench that had a small window in the wall they pulled down a cover so they had a little den and shared a couple of joints. By the last break they were pretty much stoned as fuck and had a great time. This is the days when green bud was like rocking horse shit you only saw it once in a while and fuck it was expensive so we mostly had resin which I miss like fuck it had a lovely sweet smell like nothing else especially the paki black. One day on last break they were in their den like Cheech and Chong thinking they were well cool and no one knew fuck all when the den cover was pulled back and there is the foreman looking at them. He’s steaming and really offended two of the team brought drugs into work and actually smoked them they knew they were fucked but to make it worse the foreman shook his head at them and said if you can’t take that shit without laughing I wouldn’t bother that was the best he could come up with it cracked them both up and they pissed themselves which sealed it for them both were told not to come in to work anymore.

 

[Humungus]

Love it.

 

[McM]

paki black

Mmh.. tasty.

 

[daquando]

I worked at a bean plant and used to jerk off into the beans

Yeah you’d flick that little bean of yours wouldn’t you

 

[Racist Bastard]

When I was 19 I worked as a salesman at a cell phone store back when there were still people who went to those things. One time this very religious lady came in and she really wanted to buy an iphone on a new line of service. I told her all the fees and payments associated with the contract and the deal was 99% complete.

The last part of the deal was just for her to sign her name on the service contract. As I handed her the pen she said, "it's like I'm signing my soul away." To which I replied, "that's because you are, I'm secretly the devil and this is actually a contract for your soul."

She freaked the hell out, no pun intended, and fled the store. Like, she legit fled like I a crazy person. I never made that joke again infront of a customer.

Your a dick .. and that's funny.