Brainfart
Don't take what I say seriously...
You won the internet today. Good job, I like your work...
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Funny/Weird Shit You've Experienced/Done At Work
- Thread starter DokraOwl
- Start date
In the early 80's I used to work on a Barrat's building site here in the UK, on the other side of the road was another building site owned by another Company.
As I used to start work a couple of hours earlier than the rest of the blokes I used to nip across the road to the other Company's properties for my morning shit. I'd go inside a half built house, take a concrete block off of the brickies stack, do a shit on it, carefully lay another concrete block on top and stand on it so as to "cement" them together then place both blocks back on the stack as a nice little present for the other Company's brickies to find.
As I used to start work a couple of hours earlier than the rest of the blokes I used to nip across the road to the other Company's properties for my morning shit. I'd go inside a half built house, take a concrete block off of the brickies stack, do a shit on it, carefully lay another concrete block on top and stand on it so as to "cement" them together then place both blocks back on the stack as a nice little present for the other Company's brickies to find.
I used to be a subbie and also worked on Barrats as well as others. I've pissed on the floor of every house i've plastered and others have shat in my buckets. And water barrels.
So you know what the crack is with builders in the UK, we used to nip over on to their scaffolds if they knocked off early and nail their breeze block stacks together, perforate their water buckets with nails and mix in a huge fucking pile of stones in with their building sand, that was in the days when each gang had its own sand heap and mixer.
Brainfart
Don't take what I say seriously...
Reminds me of a similar story. When I was young, I worked for a while as a labourer (my dad was a bricky). The crew I was on used to shit in the pipes before they were connected. They would get blocked with shit and the plumbers would have to flush them. When they did, they would get a shower of bricky turd from the geyser it created.
Another one.
When a young guy would start, they had soft hands and would get blisters. The old fellas would say "piss on your hands, it will toughen em up". Lost count of how many fuckas would piss on their hands...
Exactly the same here with the apprentices, when we first started to learn the trade the cement would crack your skin like fuck and the old guys would tell us to piss on our hands as it would toughen the skin. We never did, you got used to it after a couple of months and it didn't affect us anymore.
In demolition when standing packed in a small material elevator wearing these breathing devices it was always a good joke to let one rip off early in the morning. Best was turning your arse directly near the filter openings of your colleagues. 
The stench from a beer fart on Monday morn was unbearable.. some had to take their mask off to prevent barfing.
But one must not forget to switch your own fan off for a minute or two.
(example)
The stench from a beer fart on Monday morn was unbearable.. some had to take their mask off to prevent barfing.
But one must not forget to switch your own fan off for a minute or two.
(example)
I shagged my boss in his office, and my office, and probably other people's offices
That reminds me of some shit we say over here. If someone smashes a finger we'd say ahh you'll be OK go home and soak it in side her . They heard cider. 😆
When I was young I worked as a brick layer. We got a lazy laborer who would go in the shitter and stay forever. So I backed the truck up against the door on one guy and left him for like an hour longer than he already was in there and another I dropped a half a brick down the vent pipe while he was sitting on the shitter splashing his ass with that blue stuff and shit/piss. 😆 then we fought.
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How did the fight go?
Aye Rory,used to put holes in other plasterers baths i didn't like and put the dry wall hammer through brickies water barrels. All the brikies i ever met on sites where cunts up their own arses.
Not very far he bucked up and took a swipe at me and when I started in on him everyone pulled me off. It ended fast cuz I worked with my uncles and they know I take things too far. Especially when I was in my teens -20s. I'd say nobody won but he's the only one that got hit . Really I just slammed him into the ground and was rubbing his face in the sand. I've had my ass handed to me before tho.
Lol, I always found it to be the "Wood Butchers" and "Pipe Manglers" to be the ones up their own arses that looked down on any fucker that knew how to use a trowel.
Mark328
Eggs are Eggs
Had a temp Xmas job in Amazon warehouse 'picking'. Always went to the quietest corner, made a den behind all the lawnmower boxes where there was a vent to outside. It was my smoking den for 4 weeks. Never had to crave again, I can't believe people didn't notice that I never picked a lawnmower 🤣
SPHINCTERPUNCH
THE SPHINCTER PUNCHER!
Ahh I forgot about this one!
So my very first job was at Alton Towers as a hotel porter. I was only 17 so naturally I was a horny little cunt. I used to spend the majority of my shift wanking, whether it be in the toilets, or in empty rooms. I was feeling fruity one day so I decided to go into one of the themed rooms for my hourly sausage sesh. I was perched on the edge of the bed just fucking going at it, when a cleaner barges her way into the room. The bed directly faces the door, so she saw.....everything. Unfortunately it didn't end up a porn-like scenario where she clocks eyes on my member then slides down it. She just looked very shocked, said something in Polish then left.
I never saw her again, and I didn't get sacked either so she musn't have said anything. I left shortly afterwards though because they made me have a pager, so I couldn't sneak off somewhere for a 5 knuckle shuffle without them fucking paging me.
So my very first job was at Alton Towers as a hotel porter. I was only 17 so naturally I was a horny little cunt. I used to spend the majority of my shift wanking, whether it be in the toilets, or in empty rooms. I was feeling fruity one day so I decided to go into one of the themed rooms for my hourly sausage sesh. I was perched on the edge of the bed just fucking going at it, when a cleaner barges her way into the room. The bed directly faces the door, so she saw.....everything. Unfortunately it didn't end up a porn-like scenario where she clocks eyes on my member then slides down it. She just looked very shocked, said something in Polish then left.
I never saw her again, and I didn't get sacked either so she musn't have said anything. I left shortly afterwards though because they made me have a pager, so I couldn't sneak off somewhere for a 5 knuckle shuffle without them fucking paging me.
wheni was doing high rise work,ive shat in the compound buckets that had compound in it. id dig some out. take a dump and cover it back up with compound. when the tapers would put their paddle in to whip the compound the next day to loosen it up before they use it,SURPRISE!
Brainfart
Don't take what I say seriously...
A smoko van used to come to the job site. The lady would ask my old man what he wanted. He used to reply "honey roll over and lettuce on top".
SPHINCTERPUNCH
THE SPHINCTER PUNCHER!
That's a pretty shitty thing to do!
Lmfao,🤣...SP
They thought I was a bit odd in the butchers shop that I did my YTS course in when I was 16 because I'd bend the tails on the pig carcasses round and shove them into the hole where their arsehole had been removed.. I only did it because the tails would hit me in the face whenever I had to go into the fridge... tail up the arse.. problem solved!
Where I work now there was a bloke, Cockney Rob, he was some kind of mixed race white / arab who looked like a fat Peter Andre and found it impossible to not talk and brag about anything and everything. Rob was shit scared of wasps and bees, one hot day a bee started buzzing around him and not going away, Rob went into a panic and was flailing his arms around like Ian Curtis on speed, thinking the bee was on or inside his hoodie, he starts frantically trying to rip it off, I yell at him to slow down or he'll definitely get stung, he slows right down and asks me to look for the bee...Now, i saw the bee fly off when he started flailing his arms around, I bent down and picked up a splinter of wood veneer off the floor and jabbed it in the back of his neck.... I've never seen a grown man jump so high and scream so loud
Where I work now there was a bloke, Cockney Rob, he was some kind of mixed race white / arab who looked like a fat Peter Andre and found it impossible to not talk and brag about anything and everything. Rob was shit scared of wasps and bees, one hot day a bee started buzzing around him and not going away, Rob went into a panic and was flailing his arms around like Ian Curtis on speed, thinking the bee was on or inside his hoodie, he starts frantically trying to rip it off, I yell at him to slow down or he'll definitely get stung, he slows right down and asks me to look for the bee...Now, i saw the bee fly off when he started flailing his arms around, I bent down and picked up a splinter of wood veneer off the floor and jabbed it in the back of his neck.... I've never seen a grown man jump so high and scream so loud
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