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What's keeping you from killing yourself?

Find joy in the smallest things, and you'll realize what a bountiful world you live in. I've been to the deepest, darkest depts of humanity and yet here I still remain. I've had it all and lost it all. The most depressed I've ever been was 5 days in to a 90 day sentence in jail. Puking and shiting my guts out in front of dozens of strangers coming in and out of a 7ft by 10ft cell, not sleeping (I did not sleep for 18 days), listening to my 7 year old daughter cry over the phone because she wants her mother and I did this, I'm the bad guy, fucking mites biting me, no pillow, my beautiful blonde hair matted into dreadlocks(I had to get a jail house haircut, it took 6hrs to some nasty bitch to tear my knots out with a 3 inch plastic comb) bruises and track marks covered my once remarkable body, it goes on and on and on. But on the sixth day, I got my comisarry and had an amazing cup of coffee. It was to my standards now, fucking gross but that day it was beautiful, delicious, life changing. I knew if I could smile and find joy in that place, I could find it anywhere, anytime, somehow and eventually
I 100% respect you sharing that. I really do. I sometimes made posts in the past while heavily intoxicated and quickly delete them in a rapid panic of shame and realization that I shared some really intimate and spiritually upsetting truth with the entire world. At the end of the day - it is what it is. I'm not going to say I'm ready to share or feel comfortable exposing a lot of the yucky stuff - (we have pride, right? , and it's a hard one to share) BUT you JUST DID!! and I absolutely HONOR you for that. - You need to be there to truly learn it , but, it is from within the confines of four walls that you find your true freedoms. ( it is a nasty, disgusting, horrible journey to take .. but a valuable one) sometimes a seemingly simple post says a million words about a person - thank you.
 
I 100% respect you sharing that. I really do. I sometimes made posts in the past while heavily intoxicated and quickly delete them in a rapid panic of shame and realization that I shared some really intimate and spiritually upsetting truth with the entire world. At the end of the day - it is what it is. I'm not going to say I'm ready to share or feel comfortable exposing a lot of the yucky stuff - (we have pride, right? , and it's a hard one to share) BUT you JUST DID!! and I absolutely HONOR you for that. - You need to be there to truly learn it , but, it is from within the confines of four walls that you find your true freedoms. ( it is a nasty, disgusting, horrible journey to take .. but a valuable one) sometimes a seemingly simple post says a million words about a person - thank you.
Goregrish.com is many things for me. I say mean fucked up racist shit but also spill my guts. I am very open in real life about my struggles because I feel like I am incredibly proud of the human I am trying to be and I am making amends and helping others heal. Some cunts not better than me cause she never went to jail or got addicted to drugs. We all have our own demons to face
 
I'm very healthy and have enough money to not worry about tomorrow. I gave up on the idea of ever experiencing happiness or love a long time ago, so now I just accept life as it comes and enjoy the little things in life. Im grateful that I can still enjoy videogames as I did when I was 12 and be free enough to go on long walks whenever I want. One thing Ive learnt in life is that you need to be your own best friend. No one ever will care about you more than yourself. There are times I feel kinda sad about living a life without purpose but then I remember Im not special, Im not unique, we will all eventually rot, death doesnt discriminate. Recently I saw in the news about 5 girls, veterinary students who died in a car accident, the younger 18, the older 22, this story made me think about how absurd life is, these girls had dreams of doing something so noble just to die like that. Still I love the idea of suicide as an escape option, I just hope when my time comes euthanasia is legally accepted so I dont have to take more extreme methods.

 
I suffer from depression and often find myself wondering why I even bother to keep going. I was wondering how many others on Goregrish have the same issue and if so, what is it that has stopped you from ending it at all and keeping you here?
Ending it all is fucking stupid. My brother ended it all. When you end it all? Everyone else deals with your bullshit. They suffer. You put them in the worst position possible. Stop being fucking selfish, go find someone and HELP them! Get off yourself. Go to the fucking gym and all that bullshit you feel? Throw it to the weights. Kill your fucking body with weightlifting. After 2 months come back and tell me you still feel the same way
 
You need to move daily for more than 30 minutes. Find your purpose - the thing that you do that makes you happy regardless of whatever shit is going on. Volunteer - help people who are less fortunate than you are and try to do things that you don't get found out for. Donate blood. Just be nice to people because you can - karma is real. Get rid of all the excess shit in your life - declutter your house/apartment. Get a pet. Get a housemate. Join a club. Find a new hobby. There are hundreds of ways to dig your way out of depression without the happy pills they will try to give you. "Ending it all"? Is a very long term solution to a seemingly unsolvable problem
 
Watching Trump win. Again. And what's to come.
Heya buddy .. I understand your instant reaction will be to reject any comment contrary to whatever "hysteria" has been indoctrinated and sadly force fed into your psyche ... but ... please mate ... don't fall victim to the shenanigans. Literally EVERYTHING is gonna be ALRIGHT - ask honestly and truthfully ... "what is to come?" .... well? :shrug: the world wont end.... it just wont. Stay on the site ... revisit your post 12 months from now and we can have a great big happy HUG about how you fell for bullshit but people still accepted you with open arms :tu:
 
Stay away from stupid sites like GoreGrish....where every other person is mentally challenged and the videos are not uplifting. And don't be a fan of the Dallas Cowboys. It's a waste of time. Below is a foto of the infamous "Dirl" ....a prime example of the retards here that frequent this site.
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I almost killed myself when I was 12. My parents had divorced and dad disowned us. It really broke me since I believed in fairytales at that time and couldnt understand why my parents didnt love eachother or us anymore. So I went to the roof of our apartments, and I stood on the edge and looked down. I wondered if I would survive the fall and if it would get my parents attention, and then a strong wind blew at my back, almost pushing me over. I fell backwards as hard as I could and my fucking balls were in my neck from that scare, but then I realised that I really dont want to do that, and also I knew instantly it would either leave me a mangled sack of shit or kill me instantly, which I realised I didnt want either. I havent been out with friends in years, and I was at a pretty low point recently, but then an old flame of mine from france came to visit a week ago. We had a great time together, I am learning french, and we have plans to hang out till she leaves again in december. I have been clean now for 3 days, it was horrible at first but yesterday i didnt even think about getting high. I also went for a run for the first time in years and excercised so I can last longer in bed lol. I have cats, a mother that still loves me very much and cares for me, even though im a fuckin 26 year old.
But this one small thing, meeting up with someone I love, really put things into perspective for me. I now want a job, my own house, a family, friends and to live my life to the fullest. Also, I dont know that I would still be alive without my cats, who are truly special creatures that understand me like no human can,
The main reason I live is because I don't want to hurt those who still love me, even if its just a handfull of people. For the first time in years I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
The Trump presidency also has a big role to play in my new outlook on life, since I was really starting to get sick of the insanity and I was really thinking of checking out of society if this is what its going to be, but finally we can get back on track. I want to invite God back into my life, cliche I know, stupid even, but I find comfort knowing that the universe in all its complexity is made just for me, and you, and all the precious life forms that get to look up at the night sky every night. I dont know if God is called allah, krishna, yeshua or whatever else, but I can feel it in my bones, I hope that makes sense :)
 
Heya buddy .. I understand your instant reaction will be to reject any comment contrary to whatever "hysteria" has been indoctrinated and sadly force fed into your psyche ... but ... please mate ... don't fall victim to the shenanigans. Literally EVERYTHING is gonna be ALRIGHT - ask honestly and truthfully ... "what is to come?" .... well? :shrug: the world wont end.... it just wont. Stay on the site ... revisit your post 12 months from now and we can have a great big happy HUG about how you fell for bullshit but people still accepted you with open arms :tu:
I love that he won is what I meant lol. Been waiting for 4 years. 🤠
 
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