adornedinthorns
my bloody valentine
i was mutuals with @ificouldhaveafuturewithu (we called her nainai) on tiktok. we became mutuals only about last month because i would often see her in the comments of some tcc edits on tiktok and we had the same fashion style and love the same kind of music. she was only 15 when she decided to jump off a building after drinking. she had always made strange remarks or posted about "ending up on watch people die" but i didnt think that it would actually come true. her best friend had apparently uploaded her killing herself to the website but when i went to check the link, it was not available. i did find the video on twitter on her friends account (Alekaofshtwt) though. i cant hear it well enough to translate it. but you can hear when she lands.
the videos below are some things she said before she killed herself. i tried my best with the translation but my chinese isnt strong </3
"im sitting here now, i dont know what im going to do. and uh i just drank... i just drank. and then i took some painkillers. my youtube is already at 50 followers but i cant seem to start the livestream... i dont know why i want to do something else now. ill see if there are other apps that can live stream. and then now, its already like 2 o'clock, but i cant start the live stream now. ill see... if you can change your schedule to 3 o'clock instead. ill just talk at 3 o'clock. i dont know... actully, you know... (heavy breathing) and now i dont know now... im sitting a dozen floors up. i dont know... i dont know anything now. im drunk now. i drank too much. um... woah..."
"woah oh my god, i like have 50 followers now. do i just restart my phone or? i still cant start that live stream. *sigh* i am now... im on the 20th floor now. im up on the 20th floor now, and i just drank too. i cant stand now... oh my god. i dont know... i dont now what im doing now. i... i am now. just delirious, i just ate a bunch f those painkillers. i took a lot of them. i now am... i here now. thats where im now. (i dont know this). ah... im feeling so sick now..."
"i just had some more alcohol, oh my god, im now... just another can.... ill finish this then ill start the livestream with my friends account later... after... i dont know now...what did i do just now...? wah... uh... i... i dont know what im doing. i will delete all these videos in a while, then ill start the livestream."
"ill ask my friend laer to have the livestream started. and then, im very drunk (dizzy/disoriented) now and i cant really think about it. i just drank aagain and then... oh my god... im so sick right now,,, and then im now on the 20th floor now and then... i.... took painkillers and i dont feel any pain now. im now.... i dont know....
"ill be live right away.. oh my god... i really cant do it now... i feel so sick i feel like throwing up.. and now... (i dont understand) i dont know waht else to say... and now i.... i... i will soon... oh my god..."
captioned : Alekaofshtwt (her friend's twitter acount. shtwt is self harm twitter)
" its 3 o'clock and im still on the 20th floor.... aiyo... i cant speak now, i cant think, i cant do anything. wah... god help me.... ah come help us now... i really dont know what to do...
captioned: nya poka (in reference to renata kambolina's last post where she said ня пока) with the song los malaventurados no lloran by panda.
i believe that she was really too young to have died. despite her "problematic" interests, shes a child in my eyes and just didnt have the right support group. not to mention scene/scenecore/emo communities tend to have people who do struggle with mental health issues. i will not post the edit of her that her friend made because i personally feel like its not right.
the videos below are some things she said before she killed herself. i tried my best with the translation but my chinese isnt strong </3
"im sitting here now, i dont know what im going to do. and uh i just drank... i just drank. and then i took some painkillers. my youtube is already at 50 followers but i cant seem to start the livestream... i dont know why i want to do something else now. ill see if there are other apps that can live stream. and then now, its already like 2 o'clock, but i cant start the live stream now. ill see... if you can change your schedule to 3 o'clock instead. ill just talk at 3 o'clock. i dont know... actully, you know... (heavy breathing) and now i dont know now... im sitting a dozen floors up. i dont know... i dont know anything now. im drunk now. i drank too much. um... woah..."
"woah oh my god, i like have 50 followers now. do i just restart my phone or? i still cant start that live stream. *sigh* i am now... im on the 20th floor now. im up on the 20th floor now, and i just drank too. i cant stand now... oh my god. i dont know... i dont now what im doing now. i... i am now. just delirious, i just ate a bunch f those painkillers. i took a lot of them. i now am... i here now. thats where im now. (i dont know this). ah... im feeling so sick now..."
"i just had some more alcohol, oh my god, im now... just another can.... ill finish this then ill start the livestream with my friends account later... after... i dont know now...what did i do just now...? wah... uh... i... i dont know what im doing. i will delete all these videos in a while, then ill start the livestream."
"ill ask my friend laer to have the livestream started. and then, im very drunk (dizzy/disoriented) now and i cant really think about it. i just drank aagain and then... oh my god... im so sick right now,,, and then im now on the 20th floor now and then... i.... took painkillers and i dont feel any pain now. im now.... i dont know....
"ill be live right away.. oh my god... i really cant do it now... i feel so sick i feel like throwing up.. and now... (i dont understand) i dont know waht else to say... and now i.... i... i will soon... oh my god..."
captioned : Alekaofshtwt (her friend's twitter acount. shtwt is self harm twitter)
" its 3 o'clock and im still on the 20th floor.... aiyo... i cant speak now, i cant think, i cant do anything. wah... god help me.... ah come help us now... i really dont know what to do...
captioned: nya poka (in reference to renata kambolina's last post where she said ня пока) with the song los malaventurados no lloran by panda.
i believe that she was really too young to have died. despite her "problematic" interests, shes a child in my eyes and just didnt have the right support group. not to mention scene/scenecore/emo communities tend to have people who do struggle with mental health issues. i will not post the edit of her that her friend made because i personally feel like its not right.
