Funny/Weird Shit You've Experienced/Done At Work

[mrln]

They thought I was a bit odd in the butchers shop that I did my YTS course in when I was 16 because I'd bend the tails on the pig carcasses round and shove them into the hole where their arsehole had been removed.. I only did it because the tails would hit me in the face whenever I had to go into the fridge... tail up the arse.. problem solved!

Where I work now there was a bloke, Cockney Rob, he was some kind of mixed race white / arab who looked like a fat Peter Andre and found it impossible to not talk and brag about anything and everything. Rob was shit scared of wasps and bees, one hot day a bee started buzzing around him and not going away, Rob went into a panic and was flailing his arms around like Ian Curtis on speed, thinking the bee was on or inside his hoodie, he starts frantically trying to rip it off, I yell at him to slow down or he'll definitely get stung, he slows right down and asks me to look for the bee...Now, i saw the bee fly off when he started flailing his arms around, I bent down and picked up a splinter of wood veneer off the floor and jabbed it in the back of his neck.... I've never seen a grown man jump so high and scream so loud

so i guess hes not allergic to veneer then

 

[Blood_Sport]

so i guess hes not allergic to veneer then

No, but some years before this he left a crate of veneers in an untidy mess.. as I rushed past on my way to the toilet I bumped the crate and got a 45mm splinter in the side of my lower leg.. this was about 15 minutes before the end of the day, so I had to wast my own time going to hospital to get it removed

 

[NILIII]

I’m a psychotherapist, and have heard great stories/situations. As far as a situation I’ve been in though… how’s this. I was working with a client diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I don’t have time to explain it, so I’ll just summarize it: I love/I hate you; goes back and forth of how they feel about others, believe they will be rejected.
So… our session was ending and i was wrapping it up (she could tell i was in the process of ending the session). She became silent. Brought her legs up to her body, and lowered her head, while wrapping her arms around her shins (fetal position). She wouldn’t say anything. I tried to ask questions, let her know our session was ending. She said nothing. Every once in a while she would look at her phone… but say nothing. She wouldn’t leave… i went out into the waiting area and told my next client, who was waiting, that i was in a semi-emergency session and would be ready for them in a bit. I honestly can’t remember how long she stayed on my couch. It ended after i said something like “you can stay as long as you need to. I told my next client and they are okay with it.” Sooooo after i said that it was okay for her to stay, she left… i wish i would have said that sooner.

I hate bitches with personality disorder, dated one before she'd cut herself and blame me for everything, she hated everyone in her life without even having a reason. Gotta be the most volatile mental disorder that exists, I wouldn't doubt this bitch kills someone someday.

When I was 19 I worked as a salesman at a cell phone store back when there were still people who went to those things. One time this very religious lady came in and she really wanted to buy an iphone on a new line of service. I told her all the fees and payments associated with the contract and the deal was 99% complete.

The last part of the deal was just for her to sign her name on the service contract. As I handed her the pen she said, "it's like I'm signing my soul away." To which I replied, "that's because you are, I'm secretly the devil and this is actually a contract for your soul."

She freaked the hell out, no pun intended, and fled the store. Like, she legit fled like I a crazy person. I never made that joke again infront of a customer.

I saw two niggers fucking in the parking garage before, the car was at the very top of the garage and I saw a leg touching the car's roof and thought someone was searching for something in their back seat till I moved to see the middle between the two seats and saw a nigger humping this bitch on her back.

They drove off like 10 seconds later as fast as they could.

 

[NILIII]

I forgot to post the funniest thing that happened at work.

I did Armed Security for some time and saw an abandoned truck in the lot, after inspecting it I told my supervisor about it and he asked me if there was anything suspicious, I said "There's body parts in the back of the truck" and his jaw dropped. I realized I should have mentioned they were truck body parts after that but it's hilarious to this day.

 

[whiteboyopie]

😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉

Back in the day I was a pizza cook at a busy pizza place . It had in house dining & delivery . A real old building from about 1920's . There was a small room upstairs.
The owner was a dog. So only hired really hot girls to waitress or deliver .
During slow periods the upper room became the " Bumper Room" .
It was a great job.

 

[DangerAwesome]

I used to bring my own 1/2 1nd 1/2 into work for my coffee, and people would just help themselves to it, but never had the decency to ever buy any. I got sick of going to use my cream, only to find that it wasn't there any longer. So I started bringing my cream in a small plastic container, with a label on the outside, that said "Breast Milk". I would make my coffee when I was alone or it wasn't busy in the break room so I wouldn't get caught. It didn't last very long before people started asking questions, but it gave me a little time to enjoy coffee again.

 

[yotgguitar]

Ran over a retard in a wheelchair...... whoops..... sorry.... lol

 

[Captain GhoulAgain]

I hung my dick out of my pants one time and this lady started sucking it.

 

[McM]

I hung my dick out of my pants one time and this lady started sucking it.

While on work? Or during the lunch break..
Good job, btw.

 

[Captain GhoulAgain]

While on work? Or during the lunch break..
Good job, btw.

While on the job. I was in a area with a girl who I knew wanted it. It was just me and her for some distance from others. I flipped it out and talked to her a bit. She finally noticed laughed and asked if I wanted to sneak down by some equipment that wasn't being used. I said sure. Middle of the night also.

 

[wiggins]

I’m a psychotherapist, and have heard great stories/situations. As far as a situation I’ve been in though… how’s this. I was working with a client diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I don’t have time to explain it, so I’ll just summarize it: I love/I hate you; goes back and forth of how they feel about others, believe they will be rejected.
So… our session was ending and i was wrapping it up (she could tell i was in the process of ending the session). She became silent. Brought her legs up to her body, and lowered her head, while wrapping her arms around her shins (fetal position). She wouldn’t say anything. I tried to ask questions, let her know our session was ending. She said nothing. Every once in a while she would look at her phone… but say nothing. She wouldn’t leave… i went out into the waiting area and told my next client, who was waiting, that i was in a semi-emergency session and would be ready for them in a bit. I honestly can’t remember how long she stayed on my couch. It ended after i said something like “you can stay as long as you need to. I told my next client and they are okay with it.” Sooooo after i said that it was okay for her to stay, she left… i wish i would have said that sooner.

I knew you had to have been bat shit crazy Rick, and this just confirms it.

I'm a social worker with AOD, hospital and mental health/in patient back ground so I get to see some crazy stuff at times.

I used to run a drug rehab and especially the conflict resolution groups. Once we had this mad woman there who said a lot of crazy things like she had been raped by Earnie Dingo ('author' of 'acknowledgement of country' and 'welcome to country' circa 1978 and already posted here). once she came into the office saying she had had breast milk squirted at her by a fellow resident. She demanded a conflict resolution group so against my better judgement I set one up. I was sure she was going to be laughed out of court.

But blow me down when I said "Now Sandy, Susie says you squirted breast milk at her."

Sandy: "Yes, I did."

Me: "well, that's really, really innapropriate..."

Fuck me, the ways we bring home a buck...

 

[djdeeds]

I used to sell hot dogs out the front of a nightclub. One early morning at about 3am a drunk guy got himself a hot dog and he was so fall down drunk he ate it without even bothering to chew it properly. He sat down... leaned sideways and vomited up chunks !. As he sat dazed and confused I picked up the pieces with the tongs and put it back in bread and handed it back to him and he re- ate it .

 

[DokraOwl]

I used to sell hot dogs out the front of a nightclub. One early morning at about 3am a drunk guy got himself a hot dog and he was so fall down drunk he ate it without even bothering to chew it properly. He sat down... leaned sideways and vomited up chunks !. As he sat dazed and confused I picked up the pieces with the tongs and put it back in bread and handed it back to him and he re- ate it .

Sick 🤣This one time when I was a roadie for a band I got a back stage pass to a concert and everyone was doing cocaine, smoking weed, drinking and what not and there was this one guy who was so wasted that he was vomiting into the cup he was holding and then drinking the vomit and then vomiting it back in the cup and drinking it again. This continued for awhile.

 

[14ZombiE88]

1) A young guy, fresh out of UTI had a repair order for a vehicle overheating first week on the job. He was one of my direct subordinates, he opened the hood and before I could stop him he opened the radiator cap while it was under pressure and the vehicle was overheating. It spewed boiling coolant 10+ ft. in the air and completely soaked him. It was the first and only time I've seen skin melt off first hand, I never saw him again after the Ambulance took him away.

2) A tech that was near retirement age had gotten to the point where, whrn he set the lift arms under the vehicle he just kinda kicked the arms under, instead of setting the lift arm pads properly. Well, he raised the chevy 2500 up in the air, only to have the rear lift arms kick out and the back half of the truck to slam down to the ground almost killing him as he was under the truck when it happened.

3) I snuck up on a tech who was replacing a drivers airbag, and threw a leftover firecracker I had under him. Scared the fuck out of him, he was albino white when he came flying out of the vehicle, and he was pissed, lol.

 

[carrot and stick]

I banged my bosses daughter for six months,and kept my job.

 

[carrot and stick]

Was working in a Taco Bell one night with the main boss, we'd both had a shit night and were just trying to finish strong on a busy Friday.

We had run out of some important shit such as beef and beans so it came to a point we were selling people burritos with half the necessary ingredients without even telling the customers because it would've created a fuss.

You want a 5-Layer Burrito? Well, they usually come with sour cream, nacho cheese, beans, beef, and a pinch of cheddar as well.

You want a 5-Layer Burrito on that same night? You ended up with a soggy ass burrito and an empty stomach.
Thats just poor inventory control.

 

[Mater Lachrymarum]

While on the job. I was in a area with a girl who I knew wanted it. It was just me and her for some distance from others. I flipped it out and talked to her a bit. She finally noticed laughed and asked if I wanted to sneak down by some equipment that wasn't being used. I said sure. Middle of the night also.

When I was in my 20's, I blew the married owner of the company I worked for in the case warehouse of the oil company. To this day, the smell of motor oil turns me on! 😆

 

[freebsd]

I was trying to find a mystery circuit breaker once. None of the panels cut power.
So, went old school.... Took two screwdrivers, shoved them in the socket. Welded together, still had power.

Caught my hand in a machine once. Was yelling for some tools so I could take it apart to extract my hand. Secretary was freaking out, and I told her i'm fine for the moment, but fingers getting cold from lack of blood, give me those wrenches.
Manager was demanding witnesses sign the paperwork when there were no witnesses. Accident form has witness line, it needs to be filled out. LOL

Cut my fingertip off oiling my guillotine blade. Didn't even know it till I saw it in the basket.
Wonder if obamacare has a code for that?
Kids NEVER wipe along the blade edge. Always wipe down perpendicular to it.

 

[DomDom332]

When I was 19 I worked as a salesman at a cell phone store back when there were still people who went to those things. One time this very religious lady came in and she really wanted to buy an iphone on a new line of service. I told her all the fees and payments associated with the contract and the deal was 99% complete.

The last part of the deal was just for her to sign her name on the service contract. As I handed her the pen she said, "it's like I'm signing my soul away." To which I replied, "that's because you are, I'm secretly the devil and this is actually a contract for your soul."

She freaked the hell out, no pun intended, and fled the store. Like, she legit fled like I a crazy person. I never made that joke again infront of a customer.

Had a co worker ride up to me and start singing "COME WITH ME AND YOU'LL BE IN A WOOOORRLLLDDD OF OSHA VIOLATIONS" and i lost my shit. Literally rolling

 

[Plush]

I was 17 working at Baskin Robbins and my boss and his wife would always try to tell me they were swingers without telling me they were swingers and would always try to get me to fuck, needless to say I absolutely DID NOT sleep with them.