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bizarre A Question For The Younger Members

Kids have to be more creative. Here are a few examples that will work better for the younger people here:

I won't be into work today. I just shit my pants for the third time this morning.

I won't be able to make it in today. I got my dick caught in the zipper and it's bleeding like a 3rd day shark week twat.

Sorry, I'm not going to be at work today. I need to binge watch Goregrish vids to suppress my inner desires to stick your face into a tree shredder.
 
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