Serious Accused of sexual harassment at work

[Necroplant]

Background info: I'm 37 (Southern Ontario, Canada), failed post-secondary attempts but that's the past right? Looking past regrets and looking into the varied skilled trades to find something I'd really enjoy doing that pays well. Until then, general labour jobs in the area; I lucked out with a pool company as a maintenance person.

They assigned me for first three days with this girl who's probably 22 at oldest. I'm not going to jeopardize this new job that pays a decent starting wage for the coming inflation. So I actually respect women a lot and actually try to make them comfortable around me, by not ogling them or staring, catcalling or any of that shit they complain about so much about actual creeps. Me and her start off pretty good, she's good at her job and taught me most of what I know so far. Any other talk we've had has been random and mundane, like her bringing up her personal life, and we compared pets and she even asked me advice on how to handle her and her mom's dogs' separation, and I emphasized to bring dog for visit as often as possible when she goes to see her mom.

One day I want to take a selfie to add to profile pictures, because I want more photos of myself in varying situations. (Vital point to add: girls have complimented my looks quite a few times in the past, I'm not saying that to brag, but just to illuminate this isn't some fucking goblin hitting on a 10 lol). I considered just taking it sideways to show work equipment and part of her in picture incidentally, but I decided to ask permission first. She was driving and I asked loud and clear if I could take a work selfie for photo collection, and if she was in shot I'd blur or crop it. She turned slightly, saw phone and said "Yeah, that's fine."

Then she reports me to the manager, who calls me in the next morning to say she accused me of harassment and taking photos of her. Despite her granting explicit consent to my face. Not usually confrontational, and in the moment of being chewed out, I didn't remember to say that. The girl avoided me terribly, didn't say hello, looked past me, like night and day. Since girls talk, she has guaranteed told other co-workers her version of events by now.

They assigned me with someone else, we did our first few jobs but I was still badly affected by the harassment accusation. It took a few hours before I realized I forgot she granted consent.

The harassment policy in the employee handbook states "All events will be investigated fully and fairly in a reasonable amount of time. No employee will be reprimanded in any way for reporting an act of violence or harassment regardless of the outcome of the investigation." Typical harassment policy, but does that mean female employees can make shit up about a guy they work with, with no fear of consequence to themselves?

Going in 30 min early Monday, going to constructively discuss this with manager and seeing what happens; because the situation as it stands is untenable, and imo this is a huge misunderstanding, or she forgot what she said. I'd love it to just go back to normal with no awkwardness, but we'll see. But I won't work at a place that labels me a harasser unfairly, without due process. I'll do best to enjoy weekend before then.

I just had to vent about this shit, and gather opinions.

 

[Sky]

Win the race, go hard, destroy the bitch, sue her, get the cops involved.
Still think you're a perv for fapping on her picture though, rapist..

 

[(G.O.A.T.) Tubemonkey]

She didn't see the toilet after you used it, I hope. I felt a bit violated when I saw what you are capable of in your shit post. Just saying...

 

[super fast GORE IN TRUCK]

this type of behaviour in my opinion should be discussed privately with your employer, however they are going to definitely be more inclined to listen to the woman in the situation. as a woman in the trades, i despise these types of workers who over-value themselves and create turmoil in the workspace because someone looked at them the wrong way. i'd say just own this shit, you know what you haven't done wrong and what she has, but be aware that a liar will keep lying until they feel like you've suffered enough.

pathological lying won't get her far, keep your head up.

 

[MysteryTraveler]

I have some experience in this area. I was called into the HR office with my boss and accused of harrassing some ugly bitch that worked in another department and who I hardly knew she existed. I told them I did nothing of the kind and that I was the wrong kind of person to falsely accuse of something that serious and that could affect my livelihood.
1) The next day, I consulted an attorney, just so I could say i consulted an attorney.
2) I sent an email to HR advising them to provide proof that I had violated the policy to my attorney.
3) I added that they either needed to provide proof or to drop the matter, and that any further accusations against me would be met with swift and severe legal action.
4) I received an email from HR telling me the matter had been investigated and found to be baseless. I was assured that my job was not in jeopardy. Further, I was assured that I had a job with the company as long as I wanted one—a promise of employment that I was told was never offered to anyone else in the company ever.

The company has to "investigate," but let them know you are the wrong goddamned tree to climb.

Good luck, let us know.

 

[WhatIsLife64]

I think you should become a homosexual. Your frivolities will be accepted in that weird community.

 

[MysteryTraveler]

I think you should become a homosexual. Your frivolities will be accepted in that weird community.

I might not agree with taking photos of a female I didn't have a relationship with, but the woman agreed. All she all she had to say was no. Harassment is defined ad "unwanted" advances. He asked, she said fine. All he wanted was a pic of this chick, and she goes full bitch on him like he was trying to rape her ass. I just get so sick of women always being the ones believed, with history littered with innocent men whose lives were destroyed. Sorry, this having happened to me, I tend to be biased. Peace.

 

[WhatIsLife64]

#neverbelievebitches

 

[Mr. Ser Jr]

Drink a good cold german beer and everything's gonna be fine...

 

[Captain Cockwash]

I'd just rape the little liar.

 

[Sweet Death]

Make sure to mention that this silly bitch has created a "hostile work environment" for you. This has caused undue mental stress because she said taking the pic was okay, but then went and reported you. Then she went and gossiped to anyone who would listen that she was being "harrassed", when in fact, you are the one being harrassed. Clearly this idiot has some agenda to make you look bad, and her end game is to make a lot of trouble, and maybe try to get some $$ out of it.

If it was me, I would try to get some background history on her from previous employment. This might not be the 1st time she has done this...

 

[Bill Murray]

#neverbelievebitches

#bitchesgetstitches

I'd just rape the little liar.

Better yet, rape her dad.

But seriously, you are in a difficult situation. You might want to suggest a 4 way conversation with her, your boss and someone from HR. Set the expectation with your boss & HR that you're not doing this to apologize (that acknowledges guilt) but rather you want to get everyone on the same page and you have the opportunity to hear directly from the cunt why she felt harassed and what can be done to create a positive respectful working environment. Take the high road, don't act angry or vengeful. Try to have your tone that you want to turn this into a learning opportunity for everyone not just you. I've seen similar situations where the accuser backed down and recanted when they had to face the other person directly and restate their complaint.

Best of luck.

 

[Mr. Ser Jr]

Even the bible says when someone throws rocks at you throw back with dinamites.

 

[Mr An onymous]

Just identify as transsexual. Turn up to work in a dress and say your new names shelly. Say she's a transphobe for not wanting to be in your selfie and get her fired. That'll work nowadays.

 

[DokraOwl]

Tell the boss she grabbed your dick through your pants and you're suing the company unless she's fired. Call the police and file a sexual assault report immediately. Stress the fact that you're gay and she was trying to "make you straight" but no matter how many times you said no she just kept up the assault. Then plant cocaine on her.

 

[Flatus Tube]

The practical advice on here is very good, so I won’t add too much in that aspect.

It’s important not to try and speak to the woman in question for now. Don’t try to make up or reason with her. This can be hard, but it is important to let HR do any speaking/ mediation. If you can remain calm, carry on ‘as normal’ as best you can and ignore her it will look good to employers but also place you in a stronger position in terms of any psychology.

The most important thing is you keep yourself well mentally. The only factors you can control in this situation are your psychological state, and any practical actions you decide to perform. Trying to control anything else in the situation will just cause you stress, and the stress will make you less likely to be able to manage the situation optimally.

Give yourself ‘safe times’ to let your mind run away with itself about any shit you have in your head. Such as on a walk, in the shower, cooking etc. We can’t stop our mind thinking, but we can tire it out in a protected period of time so that it is less stressful when you need to perform. Exercise is a great way of using the energy of any anger to your benefit, and again it is a ‘safe time’. Venting like you have here is also very important to anyone other than in the workplace.

I do a Wim Hof style breathing exercise to calm my mind if it’s going bananas about something stressful. I do one daily, and an extra one if needed. The beginners one doesn’t work for me anymore so I do my own longer one. You hyperventilate for a period of time (30 breaths for beginners), breath out and hold your breath with empty lungs (1-1.5 minutes for beginners) and then repeat for 3 rounds. It is done lying on your back and it’s normal to feel a bit tingly or dizzy as it progresses. That’s just the change in carbon dioxide levels and it is harmless. The beneficial effect after is like an amazing ‘runner’s high’.

Beginners guide…

 

[RattleHead]

I bet shes got a good friend thats in need of a job. People dont do this kind of shit for no reason.

 

[igotyour40acres]

Questions:
Did you POST the pic?
Was she in it, and if so, was she blurred out?

 

[blacknambala]

The practical advice on here is very good, so I won’t add too much in that aspect.

It’s important not to try and speak to the woman in question for now. Don’t try to make up or reason with her. This can be hard, but it is important to let HR do any speaking/ mediation. If you can remain calm, carry on ‘as normal’ as best you can and ignore her it will look good to employers but also place you in a stronger position in terms of any psychology.

The most important thing is you keep yourself well mentally. The only factors you can control in this situation are your psychological state, and any practical actions you decide to perform. Trying to control anything else in the situation will just cause you stress, and the stress will make you less likely to be able to manage the situation optimally.

Give yourself ‘safe times’ to let your mind run away with itself about any shit you have in your head. Such as on a walk, in the shower, cooking etc. We can’t stop our mind thinking, but we can tire it out in a protected period of time so that it is less stressful when you need to perform. Exercise is a great way of using the energy of any anger to your benefit, and again it is a ‘safe time’. Venting like you have here is also very important to anyone other than in the workplace.

I do a Wim Hof style breathing exercise to calm my mind if it’s going bananas about something stressful. I do one daily, and an extra one if needed. The beginners one doesn’t work for me anymore so I do my own longer one. You hyperventilate for a period of time (30 breaths for beginners), breath out and hold your breath with empty lungs (1-1.5 minutes for beginners) and then repeat for 3 rounds. It is done lying on your back and it’s normal to feel a bit tingly or dizzy as it progresses. That’s just the change in carbon dioxide levels and it harmless. The beneficial effect after is like an amazing ‘runner’s high’.

Beginners guide…

Might try this for myself actually. Cheers.

 

[Mackerel]

If you are a fucking pervert, admited it and kill yourself. You will gain some respect back if you do that. Nothing I hate more than fucking perverts. And, if you are not a pervert, you are an idiot who needs a lesson on personal boundaries. So, fuck yourself, own your shit and grow up.