Wouldnt be better for your family trust me. I happen to know more than a couple families whos sons/fathers/grandfathers went missing for days/years or never found and that is more crushing than knowing theyre dead. Sure there is always that hope you mentioned but its tiny and they live with that uncertainty and it devours their lives..I kind of wished I had a clue so I could "go missing" and slip off into some place beautiful and remote so my family could hope instead of the exceptionally painful grief
Ive been close once. Almost fell of a cliff. I was climbing without ropes and equipment and maybe at 10m height a rock maybe half human size started separating from the cliff as i grabbed it with my right hand. Somehow instinct kicked in and i transfered my weight on the left hand while doing a 180°.
And a few times I thought I was close. Once in a car crash. Once I thought I saw an enraged bear at night but it was my huge friend (i have bad eyesight and rarely wear my contacts) trying to scare me in the woods while we were collecting firewood.
Oh this is the best one. I was smoking salvia divinorum with some friends. And I started laughing so loudly and hysterically and by each "ha" it was getting more intense and stronger and I couldnt stop and after maybe 30 seconds or 2 minutes im not sure I was like "wait no way I can withstand this much longer my heart is going to burts.... wtf i will literally die from laughing(we have a saying in my language - dying from laughing - when something is too funny) and than I started laughing even harder but didnt panic I enjoyed every second but you know I was pretty sure it will be my end. Eventually it started to slow down. And no I have no idea what was funny to me in the first place. But thats salvia, people who tried it will know.
I would like to die in battle knowing my family is safe somewhere. Cliche I know.
I will die in a hospital bed, not too old cause I didnt take care enough about my body over the years when I was only chasing pussy and drugs. Stupid

