What's keeping you from killing yourself?

[Super Kirbo]

Fucking waaaaaaah

 

[Foreskin Goblin]

im to lazy

Why kill yourself when you can go out in a blaze of glory for the "motherland"

 

[TheDuckingtons]

My dick still works. Once that dies, I die.

If that happens you can have mine. I'm pretty much a eunuch with all the meds I take. So I don't need it.

 

[Htos1av]

Even WITH that experience, I don't know how to actually deal with it. It's subjective and "different" for each individual, except for one thing-THAT "feeling". You CAN NOT convince someone that it WILL be ok, once they're in the 'hole. I made it out ok, so there's hope for everyone else, too.
Yes! It was over pussy.
Yes, I was young, dumb, and full of it.
And like my youth, all that is long, LONG gone....

 

[mrln]

I almost killed myself when I was 12. My parents had divorced and dad disowned us. It really broke me since I believed in fairytales at that time and couldnt understand why my parents didnt love eachother or us anymore. So I went to the roof of our apartments, and I stood on the edge and looked down. I wondered if I would survive the fall and if it would get my parents attention, and then a strong wind blew at my back, almost pushing me over. I fell backwards as hard as I could and my fucking balls were in my neck from that scare, but then I realised that I really dont want to do that, and also I knew instantly it would either leave me a mangled sack of shit or kill me instantly, which I realised I didnt want either. I havent been out with friends in years, and I was at a pretty low point recently, but then an old flame of mine from france came to visit a week ago. We had a great time together, I am learning french, and we have plans to hang out till she leaves again in december. I have been clean now for 3 days, it was horrible at first but yesterday i didnt even think about getting high. I also went for a run for the first time in years and excercised so I can last longer in bed lol. I have cats, a mother that still loves me very much and cares for me, even though im a fuckin 26 year old.
But this one small thing, meeting up with someone I love, really put things into perspective for me. I now want a job, my own house, a family, friends and to live my life to the fullest. Also, I dont know that I would still be alive without my cats, who are truly special creatures that understand me like no human can,
The main reason I live is because I don't want to hurt those who still love me, even if its just a handfull of people. For the first time in years I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
The Trump presidency also has a big role to play in my new outlook on life, since I was really starting to get sick of the insanity and I was really thinking of checking out of society if this is what its going to be, but finally we can get back on track. I want to invite God back into my life, cliche I know, stupid even, but I find comfort knowing that the universe in all its complexity is made just for me, and you, and all the precious life forms that get to look up at the night sky every night. I dont know if God is called allah, krishna, yeshua or whatever else, but I can feel it in my bones, I hope that makes sense

so then when december rolls around and your love interest leaves to go back to france,are you still going to feel all positive about life or are you gunna do a 180 and go back to your "old self". because thats really easy to do. and back into your comfort zone again.

 

[Nick Cage]

so then when december rolls around and your love interest leaves to go back to france,are you still going to feel all positive about life or are you gunna do a 180 and go back to your "old self". because thats really easy to do. and back into your comfort zone again.

I have had many setbacks like that, but it feels different. I am now excercising every day, still clean, doing odd jobs and cooking for myself lol. It might not seem like much to you but this lazy sack of shit is very impressed with himself and optimistic

 

[mrln]

I have had many setbacks like that, but it feels different. I am now excercising every day, still clean, doing odd jobs and cooking for myself lol. It might not seem like much to you but this lazy sack of shit is very impressed with himself and optimistic

dont worry what i or anyone else thinks or feels. its on you. how you think and feel. good luck!

 

[J1anfan]

My niece. She means the absolute world to me

 

[Torta Gordita]

I suffer from depression and often find myself wondering why I even bother to keep going. I was wondering how many others on Goregrish have the same issue and if so, what is it that has stopped you from ending it at all and keeping you here?

The ones closest to me. I lost the love of my life 2 years ago, his Father in 2019, and our Son and Brother in Law this past May within days a each other. My heart hurt much and I wish for my life back.

 

[NoorDZ]

In my teenage years yes I had a broken and weak personality, depressed, 2 years of taking meds without improvement, then out of the blue I decided that I am worth it and don't need anybody to tell me my value because people have different POV, and realize that no matter what the problem is, it is logically and mathematically impossible that it has no solution, and sometimes it's easier than we think, for example the best solution I've ever took to deal with my toxic mother is silence and ignored her.
Now I'm an arrogant crazy cat bitch who think suicide is a trash option for trash people, no loss for me 😎, the point: let your traumas be the causes to higher your self esteem, learn from it and don't fall for it again.

 

[Imi]

Because I wasn't born to kill myself
A person has one life (for now) and it's a shame to throw it away unless there's a very compelling reason why it's no longer worth living
On the other hand, no matter how bad the living conditions are, you never know if I get better
There are many things you can do in life and make a difference than kill yourself.

 

[Pensacola333]

I almost killed myself when I was 12. My parents had divorced and dad disowned us. It really broke me since I believed in fairytales at that time and couldnt understand why my parents didnt love eachother or us anymore. So I went to the roof of our apartments, and I stood on the edge and looked down. I wondered if I would survive the fall and if it would get my parents attention, and then a strong wind blew at my back, almost pushing me over. I fell backwards as hard as I could and my fucking balls were in my neck from that scare, but then I realised that I really dont want to do that, and also I knew instantly it would either leave me a mangled sack of shit or kill me instantly, which I realised I didnt want either. I havent been out with friends in years, and I was at a pretty low point recently, but then an old flame of mine from france came to visit a week ago. We had a great time together, I am learning french, and we have plans to hang out till she leaves again in december. I have been clean now for 3 days, it was horrible at first but yesterday i didnt even think about getting high. I also went for a run for the first time in years and excercised so I can last longer in bed lol. I have cats, a mother that still loves me very much and cares for me, even though im a fuckin 26 year old.
But this one small thing, meeting up with someone I love, really put things into perspective for me. I now want a job, my own house, a family, friends and to live my life to the fullest. Also, I dont know that I would still be alive without my cats, who are truly special creatures that understand me like no human can,
The main reason I live is because I don't want to hurt those who still love me, even if its just a handfull of people. For the first time in years I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
The Trump presidency also has a big role to play in my new outlook on life, since I was really starting to get sick of the insanity and I was really thinking of checking out of society if this is what its going to be, but finally we can get back on track. I want to invite God back into my life, cliche I know, stupid even, but I find comfort knowing that the universe in all its complexity is made just for me, and you, and all the precious life forms that get to look up at the night sky every night. I dont know if God is called allah, krishna, yeshua or whatever else, but I can feel it in my bones, I hope that makes sense

Great. But just remember

I almost killed myself when I was 12. My parents had divorced and dad disowned us. It really broke me since I believed in fairytales at that time and couldnt understand why my parents didnt love eachother or us anymore. So I went to the roof of our apartments, and I stood on the edge and looked down. I wondered if I would survive the fall and if it would get my parents attention, and then a strong wind blew at my back, almost pushing me over. I fell backwards as hard as I could and my fucking balls were in my neck from that scare, but then I realised that I really dont want to do that, and also I knew instantly it would either leave me a mangled sack of shit or kill me instantly, which I realised I didnt want either. I havent been out with friends in years, and I was at a pretty low point recently, but then an old flame of mine from france came to visit a week ago. We had a great time together, I am learning french, and we have plans to hang out till she leaves again in december. I have been clean now for 3 days, it was horrible at first but yesterday i didnt even think about getting high. I also went for a run for the first time in years and excercised so I can last longer in bed lol. I have cats, a mother that still loves me very much and cares for me, even though im a fuckin 26 year old.
But this one small thing, meeting up with someone I love, really put things into perspective for me. I now want a job, my own house, a family, friends and to live my life to the fullest. Also, I dont know that I would still be alive without my cats, who are truly special creatures that understand me like no human can,
The main reason I live is because I don't want to hurt those who still love me, even if its just a handfull of people. For the first time in years I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
The Trump presidency also has a big role to play in my new outlook on life, since I was really starting to get sick of the insanity and I was really thinking of checking out of society if this is what its going to be, but finally we can get back on track. I want to invite God back into my life, cliche I know, stupid even, but I find comfort knowing that the universe in all its complexity is made just for me, and you, and all the precious life forms that get to look up at the night sky every night. I dont know if God is called allah, krishna, yeshua or whatever else, but I can feel it in my bones, I hope that makes sense

I'm still waiting for some more Artificial Intelligence celebrity gore my man! Remember my requests: Barney Fife A.I. of him accidentally shooting Andy in the head....James Bond obliterating his Soviet enemies....Charles Bronson A.I. of him destroying guys in a vigilante tirade. Etc etc.

About your dad....I had a great relationship w mine but my mother molested me at 12 and that was tough. So we all have our burdens to bear my dear man....have a nice day.

The Dallas Cowboys have pushed me to my limits....finally I decided that was a silly reason to end it all 😆😂😆. Now my man Trump is back in.....life is great just watching liberals squirm every day. The next four years should be real popcorn entertainment. With or without my pathetic Dallas Cowboys.

 

[Joker1981]

Watching other people die always brightens up my day.
No matter how bad I am feeling at that moment.

I struggle with chronic depression on top of a bunch of other things that affect my mental health. Stupidly, I attempted suicide a few years back and not proud of it and a neighbor intervened with enough time to help. I have a permanent issue with my throat these days as a result and it's a 'forever' injury and reminder. (There's basically a weird kink in my esophagus... after a stupid fucking thing - my neighbor used a metal spoon to try and scoop pills out my neck hole and tore the inside of it not funny but in hindsight a story for another time the Doc told me it's known as a "mallory weiss tear" and often women present in hospital after ...UMMM taking large items into the throat COUGH!) none of that shit is worth it. Neither is drinking too much, and I'm still trying to get off the shit .. but it is DAMN hard. I'm down to binging less frequently but not given up successfully yet.
The way I look at it is this .. I've come this far in life. I've had all kinds of utter shit and misfortunes through life just like anyone else. If the only other option is not being here at all, then being here even for the stupid stuff is still worth it and better than not existing. leave it to destiny/fate.
All of the things you've been tricked into believing are important probably aren't ! We ALL get tricked and manipulated in life to think a certain way.. most of it is a CON JOB on us from insecure family or controlling family and fucking narcissists. - Fuck'em mate .. If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self the biggest thing I'd try and point out is stop listening to everyone's shit so much. Understand you actually DO have value as a person.
It's not how much is in your pocket or where you live or what you live in ... it's more than that. Keep going.

Are you sure he only used a spoon?

 

[Nick Cage]

Great. But just remember

I'm still waiting for some more Artificial Intelligence celebrity gore my man! Remember my requests: Barney Fife A.I. of him accidentally shooting Andy in the head....James Bond obliterating his Soviet enemies....Charles Bronson A.I. of him destroying guys in a vigilante tirade. Etc etc.

About your dad....I had a great relationship w mine but my mother molested me at 12 and that was tough. So we all have our burdens to bear my dear man....have a nice day.

The Dallas Cowboys have pushed me to my limits....finally I decided that was a silly reason to end it all 😆😂😆. Now my man Trump is back in.....life is great just watching liberals squirm every day. The next four years should be real popcorn entertainment. With or without my pathetic Dallas Cowboys.

I was also groomed by my stepmum at 15 and slept with her at 19, destroying the last chance at a relationship with my dad after he extended an olive branch and invited me to his home.
I'll get to work on that gore comp for you tho..I've had way too little time on my hands lately, which is good Have a good one, too

 

[Amalgamation]

Good thread is good. I appreciate seeing the stories and advice. I don't feel the need to vent or any of that sort of shit, but I feel inclined to share, so I will.

I suffer from depression and often find myself wondering why I even bother to keep going. I was wondering how many others on Goregrish have the same issue

TLDR - This first part is explaining to some extent why I found myself not wanting to partake in life. It isn't necessary to read this if you want to see my answer, which can be found at the bottom of this message as a reply to the second half of the original post for this thread. I think I only shared these things about myself to showcase that I deal with mental illness even when life is good.

I was a darling child born from a night of coke-fueled sex who won spelling bees and knew Jesus, but also had sexual experiences which rapidly developed an addiction to pornography before reaching double digits in age, along with a taste for cigarettes and alcohol. Satisfaction eventually required instant gratification.

Before 20 I knew what a variety of substances would do to my body, and how much to take of each one while in a rotation of several of these to keep the doses low. This includes, but is not limited to, crack/cocaine, methamphetamine, and heroin. My teenage years are when I began to learn the necessity of self defense. However, it was never taught to me so I would only be able to take the cheap shots given to me at school without retaliation - or I would have my ass handed to me tenfold when I made it home and saw my stepfather. I was the only person in our family he'd physically abuse using petty bullshit as the scapegoat. He catalyzed the mental processes I've since tamed that would see me potentially killing him or anybody, including myself.

Anyway, all of this culminates to doctors and my mother thinking I had major depressive disorder. Now I know that it is bipolar disorder which I suffer from, having had ample time to figure it out without too many major stressors.

Once I found the baseline (that autocorrected to Vaseline lol) for my regular day-to-day emotions and mental well-being after maintaining a stretched definition of sobriety, life became easier. A better version of my life wasn't clear to me yet, but it became visible, and it's almost tangible.

what is it that has stopped you from ending it at all and keeping you here?

I have made it to adulthood. I never expected to, simply because that's how I perceived life.

I do incredibly well for some duration of time despite the bipolar, and then I do it again. Then again, and again, and again.. This doesn't mean I've gone back to college or elevated to a better paying profession, as those will require a lot of thought before diving into the commitment to decide how I'll actually perform, but it means I don't do the things that a repentless version of myself would do in a fucking heartbeat. When I'm not doing well I remember I've had it worse. Couch surfing where there's fleas, roaches, and bed bugs. Sweating out meth and spitting black shit out. Relaxing as a passenger in vehicles that are being chased by police. Bunkmates with my heroin dealer at a local homeless shelter. Shit like that. I did meet an Olympic figure skater during a stay at a psych ward in Ann Arbor, MI, so something neat actually came out of being homeless. There's something cool about life no matter how shitty it can be.

Instead, I raise my flock of birds, and I built a coop just for that. I pay attention to my dogs which cherish me when I come home from work, and make sure they get to walk around the yard time to time, outside of their pen. In terms of suicide, it's as simple as not being the mess that somebody else has to clean up. I hate the idea of making a family member do that because I left behind no money for them to pay a third party to do it, it'd be too shitty. Even if I did go through with it, I'd not have an open casket as a result of using the 12 gauge shotgun I sleep with.

Give yourself the chance to learn who you are, accept what you find, and only try to change what you have direct control over. Have reasonable expectations of what's to follow as a result of your actions, and accept the failures. What's not productive for a fun life, is typically conducive to building good character. There's genuinely good, no matter where you look.

---

I did my best to not make it seem like I'm stroking my own cock for some reason, but I'm truly an adult at my current age and I've had a lot I needed to come to terms with about myself since joining this website. I almost lost everything I typed over the duration of an hour while I got stoned so it's time to end this message.

 

[vomitbites]

im new here - EXTREMELY new, i found this website today - but i just wanted to join the conversation and say that if you really want to start a healing journey, scare yourself into staying alive. the shit that could happen after death is scary man 😭

 

[Griffy]

my first suicide attempt was when i was 12 yo, and i’ve battled depression since i was 8-9, when i was diagnosed with anxiety. i’ve been in therapy for years, (im almost 19 now) and now i’m on medication that isn’t working. why i don’t kill myself is bc im too much of a pussy to do it tbh i turned to suicide shock gore to scare myself away from suicide and yeah id say it worked. life goes on i guess and id much rather not fuckingclive it but hey ho. pussy exists so it’s worth it probably

 

[rottenmurphy]

The people in my life that depend on me to not be dead. I checked out for myself ages ago but I'm still in it for the people I care about. Also they keep coming out with new video games n whatnot.

 

[MonsterMouth]

Survival instinct is what keeps me from jumping in front of a train. I also have a daughter I don't want her to feel that so I don't

 

[Psycholollipop]

I suffer from depression and often find myself wondering why I even bother to keep going. I was wondering how many others on Goregrish have the same issue and if so, what is it that has stopped you from ending it at all and keeping you here?

I do and it took me 7years to find the right meds. A bit of therapy helped but i also read books like the secret and reasons to stay positive. Luckily i am positive everyday now but sometimes i feel down. We are here fpr a reason, you are loved and serve a purpose. Stay strong ❤️