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Self harming and depression

Years ago after returning home from iraq I decided to wash down a bottle of antidepressants with a bottle of wine. Woke up aspirating on my own vomit and for the next few days felt like my head was in a vice. I've been that low many times before and since. I can only speak for myself but the only reason that has stood in my way is because my mom would be sad. Even if you don't realize it now please know that someone out there would be completely heart broken if you killed yourself. Maybe that's not enough to keep you going but I hope it is.
 
Struggling? No
 
How long has it been since you last harmed yourselves? Like real wounds, made on purpouse
I'm fighting against depression but sometimes I feel like I need to hurt myself again
Is anyone struggling with the same shit?
who cares what you're struggling with. just be done with it and post the pics. fookin' bed wetter.
 
How long has it been since you last harmed yourselves? Like real wounds, made on purpouse
I'm fighting against depression but sometimes I feel like I need to hurt myself again
Is anyone struggling with the same shit?

I would like to ask you some questions, something I always wanted to know about people who are living what you are living ...

1) Do you know what are the reasons why you are depressed?
2) Do you know what are the reasons why you hurt yourself, or what generates that need to hurt yourself?

When you said "I'm fighting depression" it gave me the feeling that you are fighting against the symptoms, or the result, but not against the cause.

I hope not to bother with these questions, I ask from my total ignorance on the subject.
 
4 years cut free, 3 years burn free, and I no longer force myself to not eat and claim juice is enough for days.

It was hard, but finding other things to use instead helped. And when it didn't, I used markers. Hubby said I looked like a kids drawing sometimes because of how badly I felt I needed and deserved to hurt.
 
I would like to ask you some questions, something I always wanted to know about people who are living what you are living ...

1) Do you know what are the reasons why you are depressed?
2) Do you know what are the reasons why you hurt yourself, or what generates that need to hurt yourself?

When you said "I'm fighting depression" it gave me the feeling that you are fighting against the symptoms, or the result, but not against the cause.

I hope not to bother with these questions, I ask from my total ignorance on the subject.
I'm depressed since I ended one abusive relationship, where he always told me I worthed nothing and I also had some physical injuries, like, he tried to choke me once, threw me off the stairs, scared the shit out of me hitting walls and that kind of stuff, it was a 1 year relationship but idk, it's pretty difficult to leave when you're threatened and I knew he was capable of anything
Aaaaaand I hurt myself when I don't feel alive, I know it sounds like a emo shit, but it's real, sometimes I only hear the razor cutting through my skin but I don't feel anything until I stop cause the bleeding is way too much
I cut myself but also I tend to try to break my fingers
 
4 years cut free, 3 years burn free, and I no longer force myself to not eat and claim juice is enough for days.

It was hard, but finding other things to use instead helped. And when it didn't, I used markers. Hubby said I looked like a kids drawing sometimes because of how badly I felt I needed and deserved to hurt.
So, forcing to starve is actually a common thing? I thought I was one of a small group that actually did it
 
I'm depressed since I ended one abusive relationship, where he always told me I worthed nothing and I also had some physical injuries, like, he tried to choke me once, threw me off the stairs, scared the shit out of me hitting walls and that kind of stuff, it was a 1 year relationship but idk, it's pretty difficult to leave when you're threatened and I knew he was capable of anything
Aaaaaand I hurt myself when I don't feel alive, I know it sounds like a emo shit, but it's real, sometimes I only hear the razor cutting through my skin but I don't feel anything until I stop cause the bleeding is way too much
I cut myself but also I tend to try to break my fingers

I do not seek to judge you, I seek to understand you.

In my adolescence I was also with a person who was a puncher. Physically and emotionally. For worse, it was my first girlfriend. I was 1 year and 1/2 with her, so I know what it is.. and what it feels like. It is very difficult to leave. They know very well how to handle people.

But, I know for example that when you finally end a relationship of that kind you feel as if a cancer has been removed. So I do not think it was your partner who generated the damage you feel today, if you allow me the audacity, there may be something else.

Ok. You hurt yourself when you do not feel alive. I ask you otherwise, in what moments do you not hurt yourself?
 
So, forcing to starve is actually a common thing? I thought I was one of a small group that actually did it

It's usually rooted in food issues, but yeah it can be common, especially with those who wish to self-harm. For me, my foster mother thought I was too fat and I could only eat rice or bland oatmeal (unless in public). As a result, I now have difficulty controlling my disillusions about food and automatically choose the path of starvation. It's connected to the feeling of shame about myself and a wish to be that person I was told I should have been.

I don't find myself doing that too often, I now keep a food journal with see the direction my patterns are in and have a couple people I trust monitoring my food habits. As a result, I've rarely in the past couple years have had more than one day of not eating at a time, and that usually has a mundane reason.
 
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