Self harming and depression

[Vwj]

Dafuq is wrong wit these whinny cunts, just off yourselves and be done with it. Do the world a favor.

but the PC brigade need them to point out that people are getting upset and we need to cherish the little flowers to make sure the grow into proper pansys

 

[Honest]

but the PC brigade need them to point out that people are getting upset and we need to cherish the little flowers to make sure the grow into proper pansys

They're already growing up to be worthless so we're better off without them. The smallest obstacle and they're cuttin and burnin.

 

[Preacher]

Sorry for replying up to this day
Well, a lot of things happened a few years ago when this whole situation was in it's climax. I moved from my beloved city to another one like in a week, it all happened so fast that I didn't have time to say goodbye to my friends and I moved that quickly because of a job offer for my dad, I still live with them. That's the reason I left that abusive relationship, otherwise, I don't know what could've happened. Also, the habitants of the city I'm from are always rejected and bullied in the city I'm living now so I spent a whole year without friends and hiding in the house we rented. And on the top of it, I was in the middle of a semester back in my city but they couldn't revalidate all the subjects I was taking in the highschool I attended because it belongs to a university and the study plan was waaaay different than the federal study plan so I had to re-attend highschool from the beggining. A very shitty year. And you know, the regular toughts I have about not being good enought for my career, not really accomplish something, being extremely nervous and scared of failure- I'm studying Arts and Design so a loooot of people has told me I'm gonna starve but even knowing that's a lie and that there's actually a lot of good jobs for my speciality, the idea of failure does affect me.
I don't cut when I'm with meds and not stressed, wich is rare since my career stresses the shit out of me. Also when I'm with my cats because it makes me sad to think that they wouldn't know why my bed is empty and not around anymore if I ever commit suicide.

In the previous post you told that you hurt yourself because you are depressed, and you told that you're depressed since you ended one abusive relationship, and also that you hurt yourself when you dont feel alive. Now other reasons appeared ... a bad year... you moved to another city where you dont feel confortable, you need to re-attend highschool, you are afraid about failure, and you cut yourself when you're stressed.

But you dont cut yourself when you are with your cats because you think that the cats will miss you (sorry to give you bad news for this, but your cat cares about you as much as the cat can care about a pillow in the house...)..

The subject of cats makes me think that the moment you are hurting yourself, you are very aware of what you are doing, because otherwise, you could not determine when not to do it. Also it makes me think that you care about others, but you do not care about yourself. I'll tell you what I think (and it's a very humble opinion) ...You do not hurt yourself for any of these reasons. Maybe there is something that is causing you to hate yourself...Maybe there is something else...

Question: What are you thinking about just at the moment you starting to hurt yourself? You could ever determine that, stop and know that you were thinking right at the moment you started hurting yourself?

 

[Graziani]

 

[Night Prowler]

go fuck yourself. if you are really depressed, you would kill yourself and would not post shit on the internet to get attention.

 

[Night Prowler]

next time, cut your own throat. good night.

 

[Belinda Bednarski]

Those are surface nicks, just enough to draw some blood, nothing dangerous at all an expression of cutting. When I used to cut, I would be dripping blood and need a trip to the hospital for stitches because of the deep wounds. I'm not saying it's a proud thing to do, I guess I'm just confused about what it means to be a cutter surface nicks to post on a forum or cuts that are so deep that blood is profusely dripping or squirting and you can't take a picture because your holding back the blood with a towel and racing to hospital.

 

[snatch]

Those are surface nicks, just enough to draw some blood, nothing dangerous at all an expression of cutting. When I used to cut, I would be dripping blood and need a trip to the hospital for stitches because of the deep wounds. I'm not saying it's a proud thing to do, I guess I'm just confused about what it means to be a cutter surface nicks to post on a forum or cuts that are so deep that blood is profusely dripping or squirting and you can't take a picture because your holding back the blood with a towel and racing to hospital.

I feel like it's a lot of energy wasted on my time and time in general. When i' m cranked and shitty , i go ride a 4 yr old rank ass stallion who thinks he wants to kill me, we crash, we singe, we finally go bolt hell on fire in a straight line over barb wire and bmw's and fucking boulders and school buses til we sort it out, make it home, then i get on another one. Damn sight more invigorating and if i die on the way; c'est la vie mudderfrugger

 

[Belinda Bednarski]

I feel like it's a lot of energy wasted on my time and time in general. When i' m cranked and shitty , i go ride a 4 yr old rank ass stallion who thinks he wants to kill me, we crash, we singe, we finally go bolt hell on fire in a straight line over barb wire and bmw's and fucking boulders and school buses til we sort it out, make it home, then i get on another one. Damn sight more invigorating and if i die on the way; c'est la vie mudderfrugger

 

[Belinda Bednarski]

WOW, that was awesome, you could write fiction novels. At 1st I thought you were talking about your horse. Then I realized your not to be messed with. You just might be a true "psyco", no offense.

 

[snatch]

WOW, that was awesome, you could write fiction novels. At 1st I thought you were talking about your horse. Then I realized your not to be messed with. You just might be a true "psyco", no offense.

It is spelled psycho
And no i am not.
Yes, i am talking about riding horses and yes, im a writer. Two things that are vastly more thrilling and control oriented than the ti ny release of endorphins released by your scratches.
The mental anguish you have can be channeled into adrenaline based activities and even hugging fuzzy bunnies.

Chop wood, carry water

 

[Belinda Bednarski]

It is spelled psycho
And no i am not.
Yes, i am talking about riding horses and yes, im a writer. Two things that are vastly more thrilling and control oriented than the ti ny release of endorphins released by your scratches.
The mental anguish you have can be channeled into adrenaline based activities and even hugging fuzzy bunnies.

Chop wood, carry water

When I lived in Alaska I had an occasion to chop wood and get water from a mountain stream that wash channeled to a pump. Psycho was a typo but I know you could decifer it. By all the extensive posts from you, do you get a rush and project it onto others? I think your an interesting person by the way. Scary and a little intimidating. I love animals and Gore Sites. Most people can't handle it.

 

[Belinda Bednarski]

It is spelled psycho
And no i am not.
Yes, i am talking about riding horses and yes, im a writer. Two things that are vastly more thrilling and control oriented than the ti ny release of endorphins released by your scratches.
The mental anguish you have can be channeled into adrenaline based activities and even hugging fuzzy bunnies.

Chop wood, carry water

Do you like snatch or are you snatch? Oh wait, I'm getting an adrenaline rush asking that! Can't wait for the answer, I'm gonna do some jumping jacks.

 

[CrimsonRed13]

September 2018. It's been so fucking difficult.

 

[FuqJob]

Yeah, I can recommend the right meds as well...

3 tabs of LSD and a warm folk tale?

 

[McM]

3 tabs of LSD and a warm folk tale?

That's long ago, good times. Today I'm chasing 30 dragons out of the window daily to get my life on track.

 

[FuqJob]

Hopefully they stay out. The whole "life being on track" thing is starting to seem like a pipe dream!

 

[BeHappy⚕️]

Well I disagree with taking meds to sort out your depression unlike some. Step up, take responsibility and sort your shit out. I imagine you live in a well off part of the world in which your problems, unfortunately.. are merely your problems and everyone has them to one degree or another, own your punishment like Christ on a cross.
No point feeling bad for yourself, you're probably no brighter than anyone else, have no need to feel ostracised by anyone else, and no tougher than anyone else. No darker, no crazier, no more or less batshit than the rest of us, just less capable of dealing with your own person. Fuck outward causes, you are your problem and your own solution.. stop stewing in your own depression, it becomes a form of ritualistic self "hatred", can almost be a masochistic worship of your own melancholy moods.
Simply
Grow up
Step up
And get going.. be passionate about life, simply living, the ups the downs the all rounds, the good the bad the beautiful and the darn right ugly, it's all the same... Just experiences, and you aught to be experienced at handling experience, or you're incapable of existence. The world won't revolve around you, relationships end, parents and siblings die, friends are murdered, estranged, sectioned or end up down and our drugged up wrecks. Simply don't be that, or if you do, own it.
Basically..
If you're going to cut yourself, at least take some pics for the rest of us. But depression? You and 90% of the world have it, no meds needed.. mind over matters! You don't matter, none of us do.. you deserve no help, nor attention, none of us do. Just live and be grateful you're not in Mexico, brazil, Africa, Iraq, etc.. you've got it good no matter how bad things are, there's always someone worse off, in a worse state, doing worse things.. and getting by, so why can't you? Are you a child? No, then man up (and if you're a lovely lady, then slap yourself, you're hysterical)

I used to cut every day, night.. used to stay up most of the night, candles, a book, old music, and cut myself silly, big fatty gashes, see all the individual globules of fat in my arm and pick at them.. look at my tendons moving, watch arterial sprays and massive clots building up (super dangerous, I don't recommend it). Used to heat up dessert spoons in a fire till they glowed then press them into my flesh till it stopped hurting. Toasted a finger once, shoved a fork in an exposed electrical socket (blew the fuses aha, what a cunt). Ripped off a fingernail one time, I have a tapestry of scars all over me.. not a good thing, cool emos maybe, but fuck me.. that's not my crowd, emos can piss off.
Anyway
Ultimately, I tried to off myself.. done my femoral artery and my axillary artery, both wrists (did a lovely job btw) and then ran into a wall whilst holding a fire poker against my chest, which cracked a rib and knocked me out.
I was living in a shared house with 9 people unfortunately, and one.. coming home from a late shift, saw me through my window (ground floor next to the back door in the kitchen). So I awoke in an intensive care unit.
Ever since, I've not hurt myself once.. it's true what they say, you'll hurt those around you far more than yourself..
Essentially
I didn't go to therapy, counselling, a madhouse or anything along those lines.. I gave up my flat, my possessions, bought a backpack and hit the streets.. 2 weeks later I was living in a beautiful area of countryside training to be a steel fabricator for a dockyard, setting my own prices and meeting tonnes of people...and ever since, the journey has been non stop, full of surprises and absolutely beautiful (constantly changing my life though lol)
Basically
You need to change yourself, you've experienced lows, time to climb up the ladder a bit.
Do the mad things! Because normality is killing you
"I cut myself again because I'm so fucking bored" - Dax Riggs

You're likely a sensationalist or someone who needs a fair amounts of stimulation whether you've realised it or not.
Don't sit by idly whilst depression digs it's claws in
Be brave
And have an adventure
It'll sort your shit out when you can't

Face hardship! Overcome challenges, put yourselves in bad positions and come out on top

 

[BeHappy⚕️]

So you really know that sometimes it is not enought, medication is just like the 30% of the whole rehabilitation. Sometimes I thinks is just a problem that could be solved with just having the willing to end it and being happy but that's not the case. Sometimes I just wanna end it all but I'm such a pussy. I will continue with the meds and the therapy, maybe some months without stress and only attending the therapist and some exercise could help.
Thanks for your support, I really appreciate that!

Unfortunately you've hit the nail on the head
That is the case
Have the willing to end it
Stop being pathetic
Be a strong person
Not what you currently are
Beaten already without putting up a fight

 

[Mortician666]

It's gonna be one year in July. I've been fighting agains depression for 5 years and it's getting better now.