What made you view gore? (1 Viewer)

[4lk]

curiosity

 

[GØREWHØRE]

Gonna be real, my grandmother killed herself in August 2020. Left the house spotless, made sure to turn off the AC, wrote her last message identifying herself and next of kin on big pieces of cardboard at the foot of her bed. She was in a hot trailer rotting in the desert heat for 3 days before she was found. I was still a teenager and for some reason never being able to see her after she passed deeply bothered me and still does - I don't know why, I know it would be gruesome and traumatizing to see someone I loved and grew up with in such a state, but it's always made complete closure about what she did unobtainable. One day she was there and the next she wasn't. I helped my mom (my grandmother's only child) clean out her house.

I finally started seeking out gore to see what it would've looked like, to try and move on. I never saw her body after she OD'd and laid in the heat for days, but I wanted a frame of reference. Then it became sort of a coping mechanism for the grief, and then it became a coping mechanism for the various ways I got fucked up over the years, then it became a habit, then a hobby.

It's weirdly comforting now, seeing people dying and after death. We're all just fragile sacks of blood and meat. I can check out on my own terms like my grandmother did or be forcibly evicted from all this at any time, but one day it'll happen, so I might as well make the most of it while I can, I guess.

(I know that's sappy as hell but I'm high in a hotel in a town a kajillion miles from home, so I guess I'm feeling sentimental, lmfao.)